Say hello to Sports Illustrated's most recent cover model.
Just so we're all on the same page, that cover reads The Gospel According to Ray Lewis, God's Linebacker. For serious.
I'm just going to let this sink in for a few moments. Please join me while I calmly, silently count to ten.
Annnnd… exhale. Um, SI realizes that Ray oversaw his two friends stab somebody to death, then testified against them after he hired high-priced lawyers to acquit them, right? Okay, just checking.
Apparently God is more of a badass than I thought. Although I guess this is slightly better than Rae Carruth, God's Wide Receiver and O.J. Simpson, God's Running Back.
Screw church. I'm gonna go knife some people.