In the best use of the world “humble” since the Iron Sheik used it to suggest disciplinary anal sex via camel clutch, Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona described baseball as a humbler after the Sox lost their fifth straight game to open the season. The winners? The Cleveland Indians, 8-4. Cleveland is fast becoming known as the city where a loss means you’re hilarious, and nothing is quite as funny as watching David Ortiz sort of lingering at home plate, not sure if he’s popping out or descending into madness.
“This game will humble you in a hurry and it’s doing that to us right now,” said manager Terry Francona. “We’ve got to start acting like a good team. We’ve got to find a way to win a game.”
This is Boston’s worst start since 1996, and now they’re headed back to Fenway to take on the Yankees. I’m proud to say that the Indians are one game over .500, and who cares that it’s only five games into the year? I’m pretty sure nobody picked The Tribe™ to win three games. When Asdrubal Cabrera is hitting home runs, you know the planets have aligned. Massive earthquakes, terrible storms, Asdrubal Cabrera getting a ball over the fence.
On pace for an 0-162 season (I know, I just like saying it), catcher Jason Varitek offered supportive, Lady Gaga-like words of encouragement.
“This team is a lot better than this … and it will be better.”
Update: No it won’t! Today’s game is over, and the Sox have fallen to 0-6 thanks to, guess who, Asdrubal Cabrera.