If you want Tony Parker to miss a free throw, throw away that beard Longoria and get a cardboard cutout of me from my calendar shoot. I like the one where I'm in a firefighter's helmet with a coiled fire hose thrown over my shoulder. The double entendre kinda says, "Loins burning? I'll douse you, baby." Or maybe that's too much. No one wants to see Parker masturbate at the free throw line.