Ye Olde Baseball Death Threat Found

By: 02.01.11  •  3 Comments

A month before the Boston Red Sox won their second World Series title in franchise history, pitcher “Smoky” Joe Wood was the target of a devious assassination conspiracy that rocked professional baseball to its core. Well, not really, because an actual death threat sent to the pitcher was only recently discovered by the gumshoes at Bugs and Cranks only 99 years after it was originally sent.

It appears that some dastardly villains in Cleveland didn’t want the Sox to defeat the New York Giants, and they knew that Wood was probably going to be a considerable part of Boston’s effort, as he was an excellent pitcher. Threats be damned, because Wood went on to record the W’s in three of Boston’s four wins and he survived until 1985, when nature’s assassin, old age, finally caught up to him.

Here’s the translation with no changes to the grammar that would still be considered passing in Florida public schools…

Joe Wood, Say your final farewells at once as you will be no more within a short time. You will be in danger every moment from now on, especially on the grounds. nothing stops us, and we never fail to put an end to our victim. Two others go with you from your team one higher up and lower. We wont even warn them they will go with you. Two men from New York will accompany you and one from Wash. We warn you we never fail. Add. on envelope is false. We never fail. This easy money getting must be stopped. Eight of our gang took up your trail yesterday.

I don’t want to point any fingers, but if Twitter is any indication of a person’s typing skills, I’d start scrolling back through the Canseco family tree. If Jose had any relatives living in Cleveland in 1912 then I think we can finally close this cold case.

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