Things don’t feel quite right in the universe unless “Boardwalk Empire” actress Paz de la Huerta is pissing people off while her breasts desperately try to free themselves from her clothing, and I’m happy to report that everything is totally normal. De la Huerta attended a party at New York’s annoyingly chic Bowery Hotel last Thursday, where she — yep — pissed people off with her tits hanging out. The yoozh.
Showing up in a barely-there black slip dress, the actress kept having to adjust the thin straps or risk having a wardrobe malfunction (or two).
After spending time with some pals at the bar, the actress discovered that a nearby room had been set up with a couch and a huge frame to do photo shoots for guests. De la Huerta cut the long line of guests waiting to have their pictures snapped, grabbed a tiara and scepter from the props and proceeded to spread out on the couch where the pictures were being taken.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” she snapped at the photographer, who offered suggestions to the star.
She quickly overstayed her welcome on the couch, however, grinding and rolling around while making faces and adjusting her hemline as a crowd gathered. The actress then pulled a girlfriend to the couch for a steamy girl-on-girl kiss, refusing to leave when lined-up guests began to get irritated.
I can’t read about Paz’s unhinged nightlife (hello, assault charges) without seeing her in a Dungeons & Dragons alignment matrix. Paz de la Huerta is Chaotic Evil: wholly self-serving, in constant need of attention, prone to fits of rage, usually braless, and perpetually 30 seconds away from having sex in public. She’s a supervirus, a penicillin-resistant version of every horrible girlfriend you’ve stayed with for the mind-blowing sex. And I love her for it.