NOTE: I’ll open a SPOILER thread at the bottom of this post’s comments section. Please contain all “upcoming on GoT” talk to there. If you mention something that hasn’t happened on the show yet outside of said thread, you’ll be banned. The only way to be unbanned: giving me all your dragons. No dragons, no dice.
One of the things we discussed last week was how Theon’s completely over his head. The little prick (who OF COURSE punches people in the balls) tried to come off as a big man in front of the proud, Stark-loving residents of Winterfell. But by the end of “The Old Gods and the New,” he let a wilding, mentally handicapped giant, cripple, and four-year-old child (and two direwolves!) escape his grasp. Last night’s episode, “A Man Without Honor,” begins and ends with that story as well, and Theon’s in no better shape. Even he seems puzzled by his own decision to tar Bran and Rickon (assuming those bodies were actually Bran and Rickon’s...) – his jerk face at episode’s end could have been subtitled with, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
None of the show’s other characters are doing particularly well, either. Jaime (the man without honor) is still chained to a pole covered with his own sh*t, Robb’s falling in love with a girl he can never have, Jon’s penis is in direct opposition to his brain (and that’s before he’s surrounded by the Free Folk), Dany’s looking for dragons and getting no help from either Ducksauce or Pyat (can’t trust a warlock), Arya’s disguise is slowly wearing off to Tywin, and Sansa got her first period, meaning she’s ready to make babies, meaning she’s ready to have Joffrey inside of her, meaning EWWWW. Oh, and Irri, Alton, and 11 of the 13 are dead.
No one’s winning the “Game of Thrones” right now, except for maybe Stannis and his troops, matching ever closer to Lannister territory...
- The first notes I wrote down about the episode were, “Hodor, dicks, not being used,” which is coincidentally the name of my “Game of Thrones” spec script.
- I really want mutton.
- Tywin is the ultimate “character you should hate because they’re evil, but you like them despite yourself because they’re so damn charming, smart, and awesome.” Tyrion kind of fits that description, too. Jaime, as well.
- Speaking of: I was embarrassingly happy to see Jaime again. Near the end of the episode, when Cat enters his cage, I said out loud, “This scene’s going to be awesome.” I was watching it by myself.
- Loved how you could see Lady Brienne (but don’t call her that) watching Cat watching Jaime.
- “Most girls are idiots.” That scene was so good. Dude totally knows, too.
- Hey ladies, would you claw someone’s eyes out to see Jon Snow naked?
- Saying a person’s full name at the end of the sentence makes everything sound so important, Jon Snow.
- There was a lot of mom talk in this episode, especially in King’s Landing – did anyone else have to discuss getting their period with their tyrannical future mother-in-law, or just me?
- To put it bluntly, Robb and Talisa should just f*ck already.
- Can Dany get to the House of the Dying ASAP, please?
- Attractive Women of “Game of Thrones” Power Rankings: #5. Cersei, #4. Daenerys, #3. Shae, #2. Ygritte, #1. Talisa (If anyone says Sansa, you’re banned.)