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The ‘Entourage’ Movie Is Actually Happening

By / 01.30.13

For years it seemed like a mere dream. “An Entourage movie? I’ll believe that when I see it,” said people who think with their brains and not with their shriveled egos, adding, ” Oh god please no one make an Entourage movie.” The culmination of American cinema was first mentioned all the way back in 2009, and now, four years later, the greatest HBO series not named Game of Thrones, The Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Veep, and basically every other HBO series ever will be turned into an honest-to-God film by Warner Bros, on like the big screen and sh*t.

Warner Bros has tonight given the green light on a movie version of Entourage, the HBO series that ran from 2004-2011.

The film will be directed by series creator Doug Ellin, who wrote the screenplay and who exec produced the series with Mark Wahlberg and Stephen Levinson. Deals are starting to be made with Adrian Grenier, who played Chase, Kevin Connolly, who played his manager Eric “E” Murphy, Kevin Dillon, who played the actor’s brother Johnny Drama, Jerry Ferrara, who played their entrepreneurial driver Turtle, and Jeremy Piven, who played the show’s iconic type A talent agent Ari Gold. I’m sure Drama’s agent Lloyd (Rex Lee), E’s girl Sloan (Emmanuelle Chriqui), his management partner Scott (Scott Caan), and their quirky director collaborator Billy Walsh (Rhys Coiro) and Ari’s agency partner Barbara Miller (Beverly D’Angelo) will all be in the mix, along with a swarm of real Hollywood talent, playing themselves. (Via)

We haven’t seen the script, but we did hear a conversation between two bros after this news was announced.

INT. SOME SICK CRIB WITH NOTHING BUT POSTERS OF TWO GIRLS KISSING STRADDLING A FLEET OF ON-FIRE SPEEDBOATS ON THE WALLS.

CHET: Yo, Date Rape Steve, didja hear the news?

DATE RAPE STEVE: Wut?

DATE RAPE STEVE snorts a line of cocaine laid out on a DVD boxset of Burn Notice

CHET: The Entourage movie, they’re finally making it.

The two frat brothers jump out of their chairs, whip out their comically small penises, and start twirling them around in a celebratory fashion, stopping only occasionally to pop their collars and exchange stories about the time they saw Sublime NOT with Rome. But then DATE RAPE STEVE stops, as if to ponder something.

DATE RAPE STEVE: Do you think Vincent and his entourage…

A third friend, HEATH, bolts awake out of the pile of socks and used tampons and beer cans he was sleeping in.

HEATH: Oh, now I get it!

HEATH passes out again, his face falling into a puddle of his own vomit sprinkled with Hot Pocket packages.

DATE RAPE STEVE: Anyway, Vincent, Turtle, and the rest were, to put it bluntly, terrible people. I mean, for instance, not an episode went by where Ari didn’t criticize Lloyd, just because he was gay and Asian. They don’t deserve our empathy or our admiration. If anything, this film should be condemned, banned even. They were racists, misogynists, and they never suffered for any of their misdeeds over 96 episodes. Entourage was a consequence-free show that hailed its stars as God’s gift to not only women, but to the Earth as a whole.

CHET stares at DATE RAPE STEVE blindly for a moment.

CHET: Woah…but remember when that motherf*cker Turtle gets laughed at by 50 Cent?

DATE RAPE STEVE: Aw, hell yeah, broseph.

They go in for a high five, but when their hands connect, they explode in a giant fireball. The noise awakes HEATH.

HEATH: Heh, Warner Bros. has “bros” in its name.

THE END.

(Via Deadline)


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