Gotham/Sleepy Hollow (Fox, 8 p.m.) — Why don’t they send all the bad guys from Sleepy Hollow to Arkham, which is also the title of tonight’s Gotham? That would solve…some problems.
MLB Playoffs (TBS, 8 p.m.) — Where’s Baltimore’s bullpen at? Where the f*ck is Baltimore’s bullpen? Where’s Baltimore’s bullpen, String? String! Where the fu*k is Baltimore’s bullpen? Huh?
Monday Night Football (ESPN, 8:15 p.m.) — Go 49ers, go Rams, go your fantasy team, go whatever you want…except ties. Ties are stupid.
Jane the Virgin (The CW, 9 p.m.) — Series premiere. “Jane finds her life turned upside down when she is artificially inseminated by accident.” Been there.
Boardwalk Empire (HBO, 9 p.m.) — Didn’t see “Devil You Know”? Don’t make that same mistake again.
The Blacklist (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Every episode of The Blacklist should have Paul Reubens in it, like last week’s did. Also, Mailman Mike and Jambi, and they’re all wearing hats.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Russell Brand and the Foo Fighters on Letterman; Zach Galifianakis and Casey Wilson on Fallon; Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, and T.I. on Kimmel; Rampage Jackson on Ferguson; Minnie Driver and Ike Barinholtz on Meyers; Dax Shepard and Rosemarie DeWitt on Conan; Matt Bai on Stewart; and Walter Isaacson on Colbert.
