Fishermen recently caught a 21-centimeter-long pacu in Oresund Sound, between Sweden and Denmark. Pacus can grow up to 90 centimeters (almost 36 inches) in length and can weigh as much as 25 kilograms (over 50 pounds), and are usually found in the Amazon. Why am I telling you all this? Well…
“The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off,” Henrik Carl, a fish expert at the Danish museum, said.
“They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth,” he told The Local.
“And its mouth is not so big, so of course it normally eats nuts, fruit, and small fish, but human testicles are just a natural target. It’s not normal to get your testicles bitten off, of course, but it can happen, especially now in Sweden.” [Telegraph]
Testicle-eating fish from the Amazon invading a quaint Scandinavian town sounds like the plot of a Syfy movie. Someone get Dustin Diamond and one of the girls from Dream on the phone. This could do for them what Sharknado did for Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. Which is to say, very little, in all likelihood. (Never forget.)
In the meantime, don’t go skinny-dipping in Sweden. Or anywhere. Not even your bathtub. These things already made it halfway around the world. You can’t be too careful.