President Obama Tells America’s Damn Kids To Stop Watching ‘Real Housewives’

Entertainment Features
07.26.12 26 Comments

In remarks to the National Urban League today, in describing America as a land of opportunity, President Obama suggested that America’s youth were spending too much time doing frivolous things to grab hold of those opportunities.

“America says, ‘we will give you opportunity, but you’ve got to earn your success,'” Obama said in his evening address to a roaring New Orleans crowd as he veered off script.

“You’re competing against young people in Beijing and Bangalore,” he continued. “You know, they’re not hangin’ out. They’re not gettin’ over. They’re not playin’ video games. They’re not watching ‘Real Housewives.’ I’m just saying, it’s a two-way street. You’ve got to earn success.”

“That wasn’t in my prepared remarks,” he quickly added to laughs and cheers. “But I’m just saying.”

Now wait a second, President Obama. First, you want us all to have health insurance, and now you want to take away our video games and Real Housewives? Whatever happened to the opportunity to waste our lives, huh?

Besides, I don’t mean to nitpick, but America’s youth isn’t watching Real Housewives. Their mothers are, and that’s why they’re not helping kids with their homework. And video games? Come on, dude? How are we supposed to beat the Chinese and Bangaloreans at the World Series of Video Games if we don’t put in the hours? Plus, video games are where our superior hand-eye coordination comes from.

Besides, America doesn’t produce goods, but we do lead the world in content production! Think of Real Housewives and video games as research for all the blog content that America’s youth will one day produce! Those tweets don’t write themselves, you know? Without those tweets, who is going to want a smart phone to read them on? No smart phones, no America! Plus, if they spend all their time doing homework, how are they going to update their Facebook pages? Then where will Mark Zuckerberg be? In the poorhouse, that’s where.

Think of the Zuckerbergs, Obama.

(Source: Politico)

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