Discovery Channel Ordered A Reality Show Called … Wait For It … ‘Fat N’ Furious’

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04.03.14 10 Comments
Like this, but heavier.


Like this, but heavier.

Discovery Channel had its big upfronts presentation recently, and while most of the focus has been on the announcement that the network will run a new special featuring high-wire daredevil Nik Wallenda walking on a tightrope between Chicago skyscrapers, something else caught my eye, and I wanted to share it with you. Tucked down about 2/3 of the way through the official release was this, which is a show Discovery ordered that I promise I am not making up:


In the Rust Belt State of Ohio, speed reigns supreme — the faster the car, the fatter the profit and every second counts. With a waist size that rivals the Rust Belt itself, Tommy Christmas and his family are known for driving big and living even bigger. FAT N’ FURIOUS follows the hilarious car junkies of Christmas Automotive as they hunt down left-for-dead cars and bringing them back to life and to the racetrack.


Serious question: How is this a reality show and not a straight-to-DVD movie starring Larry the Cable Guy? I bet his people are running around like scared little ants today trying to explain why this didn’t happen. I’m picturing one of them on the phone like “Yes boss … Uh huh boss … My mistake, boss … You’re right, totally inexcusable … It won’t happen again, boss … Yes, next time I will get it done … What? … No, I did say it … What do you mean? … Because it doesn’t sound right coming from me … But I- … Do I have to? … Fine, next time I will … [sighs, looks at law degree hanging on wall] … ‘git r done.'”

Anyway, a network best known for airing science things is about to start running a show about fat people racing cars. Things in the television world are going great!

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Brian Grubb is the Editor-at-Large of Uproxx, focusing mostly on television, heists, and big silly movies about things exploding.

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