I actually kinda felt bad for George Lopez when I heard that TBS was canceling “Lopez Tonight.” Then I watched some of his final monologue, and I didn’t really feel so bad any more. There’s two minutes of applause followed by a joke about Obama’s racial heritage followed by four minutes of stuff I didn’t watch. Apparently he does a fair amount of swearing here, which, to be fair, is probably what I’d do if it were my last night on television, too. I wouldn’t want to rely on the standard 4-letter words, though. I’d just work phrases like “finger blast moist holes” and “five-gallon semen jug” into the monologue. I think that would be a lot more rewarding. More memorable, too. Once you’ve pictured five gallons of semen in your head, you’re not likely to forget it.
George Lopez's Final Monologue