Is This The Worst ‘Game Of Thrones’ Theory Yet?

Senior Pop Culture Editor
04.10.15 31 Comments
tyrion-got-s5-trailer

HBO

It’s been too long since the last new episode of Game of Thrones, and even longer since George R.R. Martin released A Dance with Dragons. Fans are desperate for anything original to discuss, and whenever that happens, they’ll throw sh*t at the wall and hope it sticks. Over on /ASOIAF, Redditor “xyseth” pitched one of the more, um, unique theories I’ve ever read. It doesn’t stick.

Pop some Carrie Mathison crazy pills. You’re gonna need them.

Here’s Martin’s big tell: King’s Landing has 7 gates. You might think that 7 relates to 7 gods. Or the 7 kingdoms. But what if “the Seven” was invented just to play with us? To mask the elaborate interrelation between ASOIAF and one of the most famous works from the ancient Greek world?

A lofty start. He’s referring to Thebes, which “the ancients referred to Greek Thebes as Seven-Gated Thebes,” and more specifically, Oedipus, who hailed from the Greek city. Oedipus is, of course, famous for killing his father and having sex with mother. Incest is a common theme in Game of Thrones, but who is Westeros’ Oedipus? Nope, it’s not Jaime.

There’s one clear candidate. His father disowned him from birth (like Oedipus). He’s nearly universally hated (like Oedipus). And he kills his father (like Oedipus). Yes, that’s right. Tyrion, our favorite dwarf, is destined to shag his mother.

But wait, isn’t Tyrion’s mother dead? She passed away while giving birth to him. That’s exactly what Martin wants you to think; “xyseth” knows there’s only one true Tyrion’s mother, and that’s Daenerys. Not only that, but Khal Drogo is his father, so Tyrion shot some stranger on the toilet.

A womb and birth canal does not make a biological mother. If I take my eggs, get my husband to sperm one up, and implant it in your womb, are you the real mother? No. What we’ve got with Tyrion is an early example of surrogate pregnancy.

But then who is Tyrion’s real mother? Dany. Father? Drogo. D+D=T.

His proof is that when Dany give birth, Mirri Maz Duur called her child “monstrous,” and “he was scaled like a lizard, blind, with a stub of a tail and small leather wings like the wings of a bat.” Meanwhile, Tyrion has at times been referred to as a “twisted little monkey demon” and “twisted little monster,” then there’s a whole bunch of nonsense about time travel and surrogacy.

In conclusion:

Using Drogo’s soul, Mirri transports Rhaego-the-fetus back in time where he’s delivered by an already-pregnant Joanna. Joanna’s fetus (fathered by Tywin/Aerys) doesn’t make it. Collateral blood magic causes this fetus to resemble Rhaego, and it begins to decay. After “being dead for years” Mirri sends it back to the future, and delivers it from Dany’s womb. Back in the past, Rhaego gets named Tyrion. Tyrion lives as a Lannister for over 34 years. Even though he has already killed/absorbed his biological father Drogo, Tyrion kills his adoptive father Tywin for sh*ts. Tyrion returns to Dany to complete Mirri’s prophecy: “then [her husband] will return, and not before.” Tyrion marries Dany, his mother. Oedipus gets Rex’d. The world shutters as Tyrion begins to mount it.

confused littlefinger

HBO

Game of Thrones can’t be back soon enough.

Via Reddit

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