How Bill Murray Should Appear In Your Favorite (And Least Favorite) TV Shows

03.05.13 5 years ago 19 Comments

If a genie granted me three TV wishes, I’d ask for: 1) Bill Murray on Parks and Recreation as the Mayor; 2) Bill Murray on Community as Jeff’s dad; and 3) That CBS be burned to the ground. Sadly, it’s probably the last wish that’s the most likely to come true: James Brolin has already been cast as Papa Winger, and despite years of tremendous effort from Michael Schur and Amy Poehler, it’s unlikely we’ll ever see Murray as Mayor Gunderson.

That’s a major bummer, but we’re optimists here at WG — Murray may never crawl out of a vent at Greendale or take a tour of the Sweetums factory in Pawnee, but there are plenty of other shows we’d love to see him in. Burnsy (who did the amazing Photoshop work) and I brainstormed ways for the King of the Internet to seamlessly appear in episodes of some of our other favorite and least favorite series, including Game of Thrones, Happy Endings, and Girls. And Bill — can I call you Bill, Bill? — if you’re reading this, drop us a line. We’ve got some ideas for you.

Fed up with dating guys his own age, if not younger, and because he has nothing else better to do on a Wednesday morning at 11 a.m., Max attends a matinee screening of Quartet, where he meets Willifred. The two have an instant connection and begin dating, and doing activities that a 30-year-old would with someone who’s 62, including, I dunno, feeding ducks or something. Things get so serious that Max invites his new boyfriend over for Passover seder at Jane’s place, where the entire gang discovers Willifred is the heir to the multimillion dollar Majesty Matzah empire. Now it’s up to them to think of the best way to kill Willifred’s 92-year-old father, Scotty. Yes, THAT Scotty. (Time travel’s involved — ABC’s pulling out all the stops.)

Jon Snow is now embedded with the White Walkers well beyond the well and has met their terrifying leader, Mance Rayder. He’s also introduced to Mance’s boyhood friend from the old country, Lance Gaydar (it means something else where he’s from), who’s never been as intimidating a presence as his buddy, but he’s got spunk, and that’s really what matters. Lance notices Jon hitting it off with Ygritte, who he’s had a crush on for years, and reasons if he uses some elbow grease and all his know-how, he can take care of this Jon Snow fellow. He soon after slips and falls off a cliff, and we never hear from Lance Gaydar again.

In his ongoing quest to understand where he comes from, Sterling Archer begins researching his great-grandfather, Silas Buford Archer, who founded the original and much more archaic form of ISIS. I don’t really have anything else to add because I already feel like I’ve committed an act of blasphemy for writing about ways to improve Archer as it is.

With Tara in prison thanks to Gemma’s deceptive ways, Jax decides that he needs to hire a nanny to watch his boys as he and the Sons deal with the mysterious and deadly Lee Toric, who is hellbent on revenge. After Chucky posts an ad on Craigslist for help, he receives a call from an old friend of SAMCRO. Fresh out of jail, Bill Murray reunites with his old gang as Chester “Droopy” Logan, who was known as the gang’s practical joker back when John Teller was running the show. Can Droopy ignore the urge to sadistically butcher SAMCRO’s enemies while teaching Abel and Thomas about whoopee cushions?

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