Discovery’s Shark Week celebrates its 25th anniversary this year, and while they haven’t announced the host for the festivities yet, they have released the schedule. Entertainment Weekly has the full rundown, which includes titles like “Air Jaws: Apocalypse” (featuring a 14-foot Great White named Colossus), “Sharkzilla,” and “Shark Fight,” as well as a special about Jaws and the annual shark-themed “Mythusters” episode. Starting August 12 you will again have access to all the sea-based carnage your cold black hearts desire.
I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you all of something very important: sharks are terrifying. TERRIFYING. Have you guys seen one? Jesus Christ. I’ve gone on this rant before, but, essentially, sharks are scaled-down dinosaurs with a full set of steak knives for teeth, and they’re capable of leaping 8-10 feet out of the water to attack their prey. No thank you to any of that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to watch 100% of Shark Week (as I do every year), but I am going to be in a state of wide-eyed terror the entire time. Why would I do this to myself, you ask? To learn everything I can about my enemy. Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win. Shout out to Sun Tzu.