While Donald Trump and Ted Cruz were debating “New York Values” at Thursday’s GOP debate, the citizens of New York City were quietly enjoying some values that would make Cruz’s shoes fly off. A new booth in Manhattan promises a serene space to take a midday stress break. We’re not talking about any old break, for this “GuyFi” booth promises a private area to “self-soothe” in the privacy of a masturbation booth.
The booth has some special touches to help a man achieve the ultimate stress-relieving moment. A high-speed internet connection appears along with a comfy chair. If you can forget about sitting in the same chair as every other patron, perhaps you can achieve true serenity. Otherwise, you can simply laugh and enjoy how the inventor of GuyFi, Adam Lewis, explains why this structure is necessary:
“There’s no denying that working a nine to five job can be stressful on both your mind and body, especially in a non-stop city like Manhattan. It’s really important for guys to look after themselves so that they can stay healthy and focus properly on the task in hand. We’re told time and time again how beneficial it is to have a break away from your desk.”
This company is all about wanting to relieve male stress. Say, is there a catch?
“At Hot Octopuss we are all about looking for new solutions to improve everyday life and we feel we’ve done just that with the new GuyFi booth. We hope the city’s men enjoy using the space we’ve created in whatever way they want. It’s completely free of charge … all that we ask is they thank us when they get their promotion!”
See, that’s the good news. This baby is free to use whenever it’s not booked for a solid five-minute increment. The bad news happens when you tell more guys about the booth, and they use it too. This presents issues that can only be solved with a bucket of bleach and an ultraviolet light. While we’re on the subject, Twitter has some questions.