Braveheart is coming to TV

Mel Gibson’s mostly historical epic about William Wallace bravely flashing his medieval balls at the stodgy gay English and winning his countrymen’s freedom for like 400 years until they decided to sell it back is set to come to TV, according to Variety.

A drama series on the life of William Wallace — subject of Oscar picture-winner “Braveheart” — is being developed by STV Prods. in association with Digital Rights Group, Nine/8 Entertainment and Creative Media.

“Wallace” will focus on the backstory of its central figure, his years spent attempting to unify Scotland, his major battles and his personal life.

“This was a turbulent time in Scotland’s history, in which William Wallace had a starring and pivotal role,” STV content director Alan Clements said. “We plan to delve deep into his character and explore his passions, bringing parts of history to life in a spectacular and raw depiction. With all eyes on Scotland in the current political climate, this also seems to be a very appropriate time to tell this story in more depth.”

I hope his passions mostly involved “decapitation” and “stabbing motherf*ckers in the face with deer horns” like in the movie, because I’m not sure I’d be quite as interested in medieval farming methods, or whatever else he did (fact: if your turnips get the blighty, it’s probably a witch or a gnome, and the best way to get rid of them is for all the village’s menstruating women to sleep in the creek bed every second Tuesday). STV productions is a Scottish company, so there’s still no word on whether this will ever make it to the US. It might have a hard time translating if it’s not made specifically with American audiences in mind, considering real Scots often sound like this:

I can see the tagline now… “BRAVEHEART: No doubt, the blind kids. He fairly did an echidna.”