‘Captain America: Civil War’ Is Everything ‘Batman V Superman’ Wanted To Be, But Should We Want More?

Like Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice, Captain America: Civil War is an overstuffed, overlong superhero reunification bout, a simultaneous sequel to multiple films and a teaser for even more. It turns the franchise’s most popular characters into frenemies, adds new ones more than halfway through the movie, and ends without anyone dying or much being resolved. Both have lengthy subplots apologizing for the carnage of their predecessors, and villains who are decidedly un-super. If anything, all of these things apply to Civil War even more so than they do to BvS. It’s longer, has more characters, resolves less, apologizes more…

It’s also about as close to “objectively better” as it gets. You never feel like you have to go online to find an explanation for a scene you just watched, the tie-ins actually feel tied in, and best of all, the characters don’t wax philosophic about the levels of meaning of their respective symbolisms before they stage a big punch-fight. It’s the greatest gladiator match in the history of the world! God versus man! Day versus night! Son of Krypton versus– SHUT UP, LEX, I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE MAN PUNCHING!

Civil War‘s characters aren’t philosophers who mope around about “What does Superman even mean anymore” or “We were always criminals, Alfred,” they mostly just sort of act like children. When you strip away all the fluff, Civil War‘s conflict mostly comes down to this: Iron Man is mad at Cap’s friend, because Cap’s friend hurt Iron Man’s friends, and now the super-friends are torn apart based on who is whose better friend. Compared to a double daydream inspired by the one-percent doctrine, this actually counts as refreshing. It makes sense, at least. It’s not all puffed-up with existential buffoonisms while a manic Zuckerberg bounces around shouting the play-by-play.

Best of all, the centerpiece action sequence actually lives up to the hype. That’s rare in the superhero genre, and even for Marvel, where these scenes often exist solely to fill out the trailer. Remember Tony Stark’s collapsing house in Iron Man 3? I can understand people hating the movie when I think of that, even if The Mandarin reveal and his fleeing henchmen are some of the best scenes Marvel has ever done. Point is, to shoot an action setpiece that rises above the din in a genre sold largely on the basis of action setpieces is to achieve the nearly impossible. Civil War does it, with tension, humor, and most amazing of all, wonder. Can you believe these are the guys who directed You, Me, and Dupree? Can you believe Marvel hired the guys who directed You, Me, and Dupree? Can you believe Marvel hired the guys who directed You, Me, and Dupree, and it worked out for them? That’s amazing.

That said, the Batman V Superman comparison raises an obvious question: Do we really want to live in a Batman V Superman producer’s wet dream? It’s easy to be impressed by Civil War, it’s a lot harder to be happy about it. I mean good hustle, Marvel, but are we reviewing movies or a studio’s franchise plans?

I used to think the answer to that was obvious, but it’s not anymore. Lots of people are, undeniably, into reviewing studio franchise plans. Hey, guys, great job making money! Much better than those other jerks, are we best friends now?

Civil War has exactly one memorable scene (the previously-noted battle sequence team up). Civil War‘s main feat seems to be having created 147 minutes of reasonably entertaining #content while resolving nothing at all. Leave the resolution of all those storylines for future movies and television shows, I guess. Unlike Batman V Superman, Civil War also deserves a little credit for not ending with everyone having to team up to defeat some super bad guy or giant laser pointed at Earth. It ends instead, without spoiling too much, a lot like Ben Affleck’s The Town.

It remains to be seen, however, whether this ending truly is a break with formula or if they’re simply saving the space laser for another movie. Even Guardians of the Galaxyone of Marvel’s best, still ends with a space laser. (Hold for commenter explaining why, actually, that plot device wasn’t really a space laser. This kind of commenter seems to be the target audience for this movie, by the way, those who live to explain the extremely subtle gradations in the standard formula.)