Florida Teen Murder Suspect Can’t Decide Between Team Edward, Jacob

An 18-year-old Florida girl is behind bars after murdering a 16-year-old dude and dumping his body in a storm drain. Hmm, horrible, but that could happen anywhere. Do you have anything else that would make this more… I don’t know… Floridian?

A Florida teenager is behind bars as an accessory to the brutal murder of 16-year-old Jacob Hendershot. But that may not be the most shocking part of the crime. Stephanie Pistey says she believes she’s part vampire and part werewolf.
Florida police say that, in July, Pistey’s friends lured Hendershot to a house, killed him, and then left his body in a storm drain. Police had originally said Hendershot’s was murdered because Pistey had accused the 16-year-old of raping her, according to CBS affiliate WTSP.
Five people so far, including Pistey, are charged in connection to the crime with either murder or accessory after the fact.
Police have previously speculated that there may be more to the case. They say the murder suspects may have been involved in a vampire cult, WTSP reports, and Pistey’s claims to vampiredom appear to give credence to the idea.

In a jailhouse interview, Pistey told local station WJHG, “Since I was like, 12…I know this is going to be crazy, but I believe that I’m a vampire. Part of a vampire and part of a werewolf.”
The 18-year-old denies drinking Hendershot’s blood after the murder, but reportedly claims she has drunk the blood of her fiance and co-defendant William Chase, 25.
Although she has not yet been convicted of the crime, Pistey says she expects to be behind bars for a long time.
“Now that I’m here, I’m pretty much figuring out that I’m just going to stay here the rest of my life.” [CBS]

Jeez, it’s a shame she screwed up her life. Otherwise she’d probably be off curing cancer or revolutionizing  mathematics. I also like how CBS thinks the most shocking part of this story is her declaring herself a vampire. “Not only did a teenage girl murder someone and throw his body in the gutter like a used McDonald’s wrapper, SHE SAID SOMETHING KINDA CRAZY AFTERWARDS!” Hmm, really? The vampire part is the part you find shocking?

Still, I’m shocked — SHOCKED —  at their restraint in not drawing a single Twilight parallel. While I can’t say for certain whether the works of Stephenie Meyer influenced this crime, I do notice that the suspect bears a striking resemblance to the famous British Twilight reaction video troll:

Same bow lip, same snub nose, same Shrek eyebrows, same blunted chin, same thirst for human blood. I don’t know what that means, but I say we lock the Twilight lady up just in case.