God Hates Fatties: Westboro Baptist protesting Kevin Smith movie

Kevin Smith’s Red State premieres at Sundance this week, and although the trailer‘s pretty vague, the plot apparently deals with a Fred-Phelps-like character.  Naturally that was more than enough to make those hate-baitin’ publicity lovers at the Westboro Baptist “Church” say to themselves, “Wait, someone’s talking about us?  GAS UP THE HATEMOBILE!  Now which way is that camera?  GRR, JESUS TOLD ME TO EAT A BLACK BABY, NOM NOM NOM!”

The Westboro Baptist Church, based in Topeka, Kan., plans to hold the two pickets on Sunday, during the busy opening weekend of Sundance. The first is slated from 2:45 p.m. until 3:30 p.m. while the second one, planned to last 30 minutes, is scheduled to start at 6 p.m. Both will be held outside the Eccles Center, the site of the premiere of Smith’s film “Red State.”

Shirley Phelps-Roper, a Westboro Baptist Church attorney and a member of the church, said in a Tuesday interview seven people from the church plan to participate in the Park City pickets.

Holy sh_t, seven people?? That’s almost enough to play touch rugby.  (Which they would never do because it’s so blasphemously gay).  I’m sure Kevin Smith’s 1.7 million Twitter followers will have nothing to say about that.

“It’s all vanity. Empty, worthless nothing,” Phelps-Roper said about Hollywood, speaking about what she described as the broken moral compass in the United States. “The actors, directors, producers and fans of the doomed American motion picture industry celebrate the nation-destroying sin of sodomy with all their might.” [ParkCityRecord]

Lady, I’ll show you celebrating sodomy with all my might.  (*hip thrusts hard as I can, breeze blows cat off coffee table*)

Anyway, calling Hollywood blasphemous is pretty tame (not to mention unoriginal) for a group that protests soldier funerals and little girls who died in spree shootings.  What is their plan, exactly, anyway?  “Hey, I know, we’ll show up at all the worst things in the world and take credit for them in the name of God!  People are sure to obey him once they know he’s a hateful homophobe who shoots little girls!”

It’s like their idea of God is a Schwarzenegger villain.  “I don’t know it doesn’t make any sense, but if we don’t do what he says, he’s gonna stab a puppy in the face!”