FilmDrunk

This Week In Movie Posters: The Wait For ‘Hail, Caesar’ Begins

This Week In Posters is back, and this week, we start with All Roads Lead to Rome, which is clearly a rom-com starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Pretty self-explanatory, the designer really didn’t have to do much heavy lifting here. I’m also going to assume that the male interest is Italian. Partly because the lead actor’s name is “Raoul,” but mostly because of that diagonal suit pocket. Why do all Italian men wear asymmetrical clothing? Is there a special shop for that? “Mamma mia, lookata thees-a suit-a pocket! She’s a-side-a-ways! Bellissima!”

Also, does anyone else wish this was called “Rome If You Want To” and had the B-52s singing the theme song? Just me then? Okay, fine.

It’s only January and already we have a contender for worst floating head poster design of 2016. I love Karen Allen and all, but is she really enough of a draw that you have to try to squeeze her floating head in there, to the detriment of everything else? And… why is she inside the soldier’s torso? That sort of defeats the purpose of a silhouette, doesn’t it? And just a random picture of her wearing a scarf? What was I supposed to get out of this? This is one of those posters where it looks like the marketing guy kept giving the poster designer a million obnoxious, contradictory notes, and the designer gave him everything he wanted out of spite.

The poster design is so bad that I almost didn’t notice that the title sounds like something Eli Manning would say getting up from a sack.

Here’s a new Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice poster that’s made out of… other posters! So meta! Anyway, the focus is clearly on the chins, which is a strong choice. I enjoy the contrast of Batman’s angry, hungover dad stubble and Superman’s perfectly smooth, baby butt chin. Honestly, every time I look at Henry Cavill I wonder if he’s photoshopped. No human man has ever looked so much like a cartoon superhero. With a face like that, I bet he has special DNA, like Leelu Multipass.

Finally, a movie called The Bronze that’s not about my muscular buttocks. Anyhoo, the poster designer wisely chose to focus on the styling here, which is a good decision as it’s pretty amazing. Melissa Rauch manages to evoke Kerri Strug or someone pretty hard without being a direct copy of anyone. You could make a case that the bangs are sort of Tonya Harding-esque, but even then, not exactly. It nails the spirit without biting specific details.

Here’s the red-band trailer, incidentally.

Ha, she said “taint.”

I assume this is a movie depicting the history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict I learned so much about in You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.

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