TRAILER: Herzog & Tom Cruise in Bourne Ident- Uh, ‘Jack Reacher’

After the jump, it’s the new, full-length trailer for Jack Reacher, directed by badass Usual Suspects screenwriter Chris McQuarrie (his first since the underrated Way of the Gun) and starring Tom Cruise. The most interesting thing about it is that Werner Herzog plays the villain, something he was born to do (“Za stoopeedity uff za common cheecken eez overwhalemink”). The least interesting thing about it is… well, pretty much everything else. I love McQuarrie (even though he most recently wrote The Tourist and Valkyrie) and I know Jack Reacher is something of a beloved pulp novel hero, but honestly, how many more badass military guys on the run from the government do we need? BE CAREFUL, TEAM, THIS MAN IS DANGEROUS. Aren’t we like six Bourne movies deep by now? And if there’s going to be a protagonist who talks sh*t to bad guys over the phone, I’d just as soon it be Liam Neeson or Mel Gibson. Tom Cruise isn’t really the type of guy who intimidates you by being some gruff, ex-military hardass. If anything, he’s the type of guy who strongarms you into some kind of painfully-direct timeshare presentation with his uncomfortable sincerity. “Fine, fine, I’ll take a free personality test, Tom, just stop looking at me like that, Jesus.”

Opens December 21st. Relevant screengrab: