Oscar shrivs are too old for Banksy’s shenanigans

Ahhh, I love the smell of made-up controversy in the morning.  It smells like… journalism.

To recap, anonymity-loving street artist Banksy directed Exit Through the Gift Shop, which is up for a best documentary Oscar.   He’s already said he’d be willing to accept it himself, telling Anne Thompson “The last time there was a naked man covered in gold paint in my house, it was me.”

But for some reason, the folks at the Academy have interpreted this to mean that Banksy plans to show up in a gorilla suit and ruin their schmancy awards show.  Jeeves! Fan my face with my monogrammed hankie, I’m feeling faint.

For an organization that prides itself on security and decorum, there’s something unsettling about the thought of an Oscar winner taking the stage in disguise, or trying to accept the award without revealing his identity.

Good heavens, is that man’s pocket watch made of PEWTER?? (*drops parasol, faints into the arms of the help*)

“The fun but disquieting scenario,” said the Academy’s executive director, Bruce Davis, on Monday, “is if that film wins and five guys in monkey masks come to the stage all saying, ‘I’m Banksy!’ Who the hell do we give it to?”

My lord, he’s collapsed the soufflés!  Supper is ruined!

If Banksy isn’t comfortable showing his face on the Kodak stage, Academy president Tom Sherak said, then the Academy isn’t comfortable having him on that stage.

“We suggested to them that it might be a good idea that if he did win, one of them would accept in his place – that it would not be dignified for the Academy to have somebody come up wearing a monkey’s head.” [TheWrap]

Christ, what is it with you guys and monkeys?  FOR THE LAST TIME, NO ONE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MONKEYS.  Not that that wouldn’t be awesome.  It might actually make things interesting for a change.  But sadly, no one wants the Oscars to be interesting, just important.  Banksy doing something memorable would destroy the integrity of the event, in which distinguished actors present distinguished awards voted on by the distinguishedly distinguished.  The last thing we need is a repeat of a few years ago, when Kevin James rode in on a Segway and blew the Best Actress envelope open with a fart.  (Okay, you got me, that never happened, but God knows it should).