FilmDrunk

‘Phone Sex Grandma’ is absolutely AMAZING

Oh. My. God.  This is a short film called “Phone Sex Grandma”, and it’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.  The concept is simple: a 60-something Southern grandma works a phone sex line.  I’m sure we’ve all seen a  version of this scene played out in countless films and television shows with varying degrees of hackyness, but somehow, the no-frills bleakness of this one, in depicting a scene which we all essentially already assumed existed, is indescribably divine.  The woman is LITERALLY KNITTING AND SITTING ON THE TOILET while delivering some of the most coarse, disgusting, swear-filled perversion you’ve ever heard. Filth flarn filth flarn filth.  She makes Betty White’s schtick look like a Disney adaptation of a Norwegian black metal song.  And she does it all!  She can play black, Asian, dominatrix, innocent schoolgirl, toothless penis-craving cumdumpster — PICK YOUR POISON!

If you’re web savvier/more underground film literate than I, you might know that this is actually a Jack Truman short film that played at Slamdance back in 2006 (I hadn’t seen it before yesterday).  Just to add to the awesome  pervertedness of it, the star of the film is the director’s mom, Opal Dockery.  Although it is fictional (insomuch that no one is actually on the other line of the phone, so far as anyone can tell), Dockery was a stripper for 20 years and wrote a memoir about it, so I imagine the nasty talk was mostly stuff she came up with herself.   Her and her son also ran for congress in Missouri a few years back, but surprisingly that didn’t work out. Some of my favorite lines:

“You’re gonna suck on my god damn nasty assh*le, bitch.”

“You don’t let your brothers and sisters know you f*ck them do you?”

“Is there any doubt in your mind that you’re a f*ckin slut?”

“I’ll tell one thing for sure, baby, I wish you were here right now so you could see me play with my big, fat p*ssy lips.”

“You like to f*ck Asian p*ssy too in the assh*le?”

“And you’re gonna suck on my nasty balls and on my nasty assh*le too, bitch.”

“I could just lick you out like a godd*mned mustard jar.”

A mustard jar? Old people lick mustard jars clean? Jesus, she is extreme. All I can say is bra-vo.  Old chicks, knitting, cats, phone sex — this movie really had everything.

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