Call A Lawman, Steven Seagal’s Clickbait Site Stole My #Content

Where does he get such wonderful content?
Getty Images/WarriorZen

Where does he get such wonderful content?

Not too long ago, you may remember that I brought you the story of Steven Seagal’s clickbait website, WarriorZen. To recap briefly, it seems that a certain class of websites, the kind that create Discount Internet Slurry, have begun offering their services to celebrities, as a way to boost their online presence. The idea being, you share enough garbage news links that people can’t help but click and/or share on Facebook, you get more likes on your fan page. And of course, from there it’s just a short jump to “????” followed by “profit.” They’re disrupting the entire creator/fan relationship.

I discovered WarriorZen simply through Steven Seagal’s hilarious shares in my timeline (I was already a fan, Seagal being an obsession of mine). Here are a few samples, just from the top of his page. I think it helps to imagine the teaser text in Seagal’s Codeine Sensei voice.

SEAGAL VOICE: “This young man is learning a valuable lesson.”
“NEWS” HEADLINE: Police Officer Stops Two Kids… What He Finds In Their Pockets… Wow! Puts Them In Handcuffs

SEAGAL VOICE: Impressive.
“NEWS” HEADLINE: The New Age of Silencers Is Here. They’re Quiet Enough To Be Used Without Earplugs, And Even

SEAGAL VOICE: Take the test and let me know how you did.
“NEWS” HEADLINE: This Test Tells If You Have Fighter’s Vision

I swear to you, they are all at least that funny. At some point, I even followed the link from the WarriorZen website and applied to be part of their “editorial team,” which I’m sure is a very legitimate occupation. I never heard back, sadly. So imagine my surprise when Steve Bramucci sent me a link to a WarriorZen ripoff of a post I’d written myself!

Original FilmDrunk Link: In Memoriam: All Of The Bad Guys Killed In ‘Commando,’ With One Liners

WarriorZen Link: In Memoriam: All Of The Bad Guys Arnold Killed In ‘Commando’ With One Liners

I like that they took out my comma. Possibly to suggest that one-liners were the murder weapon? That’s a nice little flourish.