30 years ago this week, 20th Century Fox released Commando, a B-movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger that’s so much fun you wonder why anyone would bother making an A-movie. A remarkable number of people are killed in the film, most at the hands of Schwarzenegger. Some of those killed were named, others were nameless. Some deaths precipitated one-liners, others went unremarked upon. Some deaths were elaborate, others were simple.
As we memorialize the film (Schwarzenegger’s finest, in my opinion), I thought we should also take time to remember all of the characters whose deaths helped make it so great.
Kill 1, one of John Matrix’s unit mates. Time of death: 1 minute and 56 seconds into the movie.
Famous Last Words: “I was afraid you’d miss me,” to a pair of bad guys disguised as garbage men.
One liner: “Don’t worry, we won’t.” (Said by Cooke, a Green Beret gone bad).
His girlfriend always wondered why he went to put out the garbage cans and never came back.
Kill 2, a slimy Cadillac salesman trying to sell Cooke a car. Time of death: 3 minutes.
Famous Last Words: “Take it from me, you don’t want leather, brother. Leather’s hot, it’s uncomfortable, it cracks. … Wait a minute! You can’t drive that car in here! Whoa! Whoa!”
One liner: “You know what like best about it? The price.” (Before running over the salesman and crashing through the showroom window).
Vinyl lost its last and greatest champion that day.
Kill 3, a random Army guy sent to protect John Matrix’s previously idyllic cabin, brutally cut down by sniper bullets. Time of death, 12 minutes.
All he wanted was to help.