Steven Seagal has been shot and always carries a gun, according to Steven Seagal

If you don’t know who Michael Schiavello is, he’s an obnoxious Australian kickboxing/MMA announcer who’s been trying to make his “goodnight Irene!” catchphrase happen for at least half a decade now. More recently, he’s displayed a talent for interview, hosting the HDNet show The Voice Versus. The guest for his next show is Steven Seagal, and the promo just hit the web over the weekend. At first I was planning to wait for the full episode, because I figured, how much goodness could they possibly pack into a 30-second promo? Then I watched it and quickly realized what an idiot I was. After all these years, how could I still underestimate Steven Seagal??! I feel just like those guys who wouldn’t tell him why Richie did Bobby Lupo.

Schiavello: Who’s the most legitimate Hollywood tough guy? Jean-Claude Van Damme?
Seagal: …Can I laugh in your face?

Seagal: I’ve forgotten more techniques than most people have learned.

Schiavello: Have you ever been shot?
Seagal: Yes.

Schiavello: Are you always armed?
Seagal: Yes.

Schiavello: Are you still as fast as you were 10 years ago?
Seagal: Maybe faster.

I doubt Steven Seagal is really faster than he was 10 years ago, but in fairness, that’s a tough question to ask a guy who famously keeps track of neither space nor time. “10 years ago? That’s ridiculous, 10 years ago I was a little baby.”

I just hope the full interview addresses the elephant in the room: “where do you find the sleeveless kimonos you wear while ripping tasty blues licks?”

“Wait, did you ask if I’ve been shot? No, of course not. I’m sorry, I thought you asked if I’d shat.”

[thanks to Fightlinker for the heads up]