Steven Seagal to host blues festival with his band, Thunderbox

Steven Seagal is a man who wears many hats, many of them oversized to combat a wicked case of bloatskull. In addition to being a movie star, lawman, martial arts trainer, and all-around poonani lover, he’s also an accomplished blues musician. Presumably that’s the hat he’ll have on his bloated skull August 26th-28th, when he co-hosts the Bluestock blues festival in upstate New York, where he’ll also be performing with his band “Thunderbox’, which sounds like it’s either another euphemism for the Poonani, or a tribute band that plays amped up Candlebox tunes.  SQUIBBITY BLABBEDY DO!

Action star Steven Seagal has also joined Bluestock’s lineup as a special co-host of the Festival and performer along with his blues band Thunderbox. Seagal has played guitar since the age of 12 and released his first album, the blues-inspired Songs from The Crystal Cave, in 2004. His authentic approach to the blues recalls the work of blues greats such as Muddy Waters, BB King, Bo Diddley and Robert Lockwood. []

Crystal Cave?  You guessed it, another poonani euphemism.  I hope the organizers of this festival know about Seagal’s unique philosophical reaction to arousal, lest they be surprised when he front-kicks a spectator’s face into another dimension using only his mind.  Meanwhile, here’s what Seagal had to say about actors-turned-musicians a few years back:

“I don’t consider any actors to be real musicians… I’m probably going to get in trouble after saying that,” he says. “I think Jeff Goldblum is the only good musician. He’s a good pianist.”  [Source]

Jeff Goldblum.  You heard it here, folks.  Ask yourself: Is there any statement too bizarre to imagine coming out of Steven Seagal’s mouth in complete earnestness?  “I once met Kathleen Turner backstage at Foreigner concert, forcefed her an entire guinea pig.  Amazing lady.”

[Steven Seagal Action Figure via MasatoToys (which isn’t really a toy company)]