Ted Nugent has Katniss Snatch Fever

Years ago, I made it my life’s mission to one day find Ted Nugent and punch him right in his stupid goddamned soul patch. (Failing that, I would also accept punching Gene Simmons or anyone in the Will Smith family). My arch-nemesis, the Don Imus of post-classic rock fartcore, was in the news again today, when someone from USA Today bravely decided to endure a conversation with him. The subject? Archery, specifically the form displayed by Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games. Wait, Ted Nugent likes to bow hunt? MY GOSH I HADN’T HEARD.

Nugent, a member of the Bowhunters Hall of Fame, loves how realistically Lawrence carries herself as bow-wielding Katniss Everdeen in the movie. Apparently Lawrence hit the bullseye with the performance.
“All of us archers and bowhunters are so very happy to see real honest-to-God archery form being displayed properly for a change,” Nugent tells USA TODAY. “Proper archery is one of life’s most beautiful ballets, especially when executed by a beautiful woman like Jennifer.”
He adds, “It makes for the ultimate eye-candy.”
Lawrence trained extensively with 4-time Olympian Khatuna Lorig prior to filming. “I had no choice but to be good,” she said. “I was working with an Olympian.” [USA Today]

DON’T YOU DARE GET YOUR CHEESY BUTTROCK STINK ON MY CATNIPS FEATHERBEEF, YOU SMELLY PROTO-CHAD KROGER! I swear to God, if the government allows the Scott Stapp of the seventies anywhere near my beloved Jennifer Lawrence I will move to Canada and start planning a coup. Good luck stopping it with your ancient Indian weapons, you slimy dicklicker. And speaking of The Hunger Games, if we somehow got Ted Nugent, Cam Gigandet, Danny Masterson, and Evan Stone together on a government-sponsored murder island, I think everyone wins.