Teen Mom Farrah got 'nearly $1 million' for 'Backdoor Teen Mom'

Last we heard from Farrah Abraham, she of MTV’s Teen Mom “fame,” she had become a cautionary tale for pseudo-celebs trying to climb Jacob’s fame ladder using a sex tape everywhere. Her first mistake was hiring a porn star (James Deen) to shoot it with. Her second mistake was assuming he’d play along with her lame idea of pretending to be boyfriend and girlfriend for the paparazzi. Her third mistake was telling people he had a small penis after it all went south, which was clearly a brilliant insult to use on a guy whose job is showing people his penis. Man, it’s like everything that comes out of her is a mistake. While a just world would award her zero points and may God have mercy on her soul, she apparently managed to weasel almost $1 million out of Vivid for a tape that will reportedly be called Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Hey, credit where credit’s due, it’s a good title.

About three weeks after she filmed a sex tape with adult film star James Deen — and a couple weeks of very public negotiations — the 21-year-old former Teen Mom star has reportedly landed a deal with porn company Vivid. According to TMZ, Abraham has signed a contract with Vivid’s Steve Hirsch for nearly a million dollars. The site also reports that the film now has its raunchy title: Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.

I don’t know, man. I’m just not sure if I can enjoy a porn tape now that I know the stars aren’t really in love.

The lucrative payday is a little bit less than Abraham had publicly hoped for. Copping to the existence of the tape to Us Weekly on April 10, Abraham mused, “I will not be settling for anything less then a couple million.” In the days that followed, Abraham was shot visiting Vivid’s offices (in the company of daughter Sophia, 3, and her father) and lunching with Hirsch as they reportedly hammered out the details of the deal.

Why did Abaraham do it in the first place? Sources told Us that she’s desperate to revive her career after Teen Mom’s September 2012 finale failed to lead to a new reality show. “She tried to recruit a boyfriend for Couples Therapy,” one pal told Us. “But no one would do it.”

She mused to Us of the film: “When I’m older, I’ll have my best year to look back on.”

I don’t know if she was misquoted, or if she really said her best “year,” singular. If she really did, my God, I want to sop up that pathos with a biscuit. Meanwhile, TMZ has the actual DVD cover:

I love the sheer balls of calling it “the private tape.” Spoken like the industry that regularly calls petite 37-year-olds with pigtails “barely legal.”