The Top Ten Things You Should Know About Step Up: Revolution

When I think of FilmDrunk’s “demo” I think of a bunch of proud dancers. People who love the act of dance, and dance movies, and the entire “dance crew” scene. That’s you guys, through and through, so I was naturally alarmed when I checked the site this morning and noticed there wasn’t a Step Up Revolution review.

Well, what tha? Who will service you guys? I WILL. I will tell you all about Step Up: Revolution, because I am a person who has seen Step Up: Revolution, as well as all the other Step Up films, plus the remakes of Footloose and Fame thrown in for good measure. You could call me a “dance film expert,” such a thing would not offend, and I’m here to bust out some elucidation on Step Up: Revolution.

Here we go.

Ten Things You Should Know About Step Up: Revolution (because you will never see it)

1.They switch out the female lead … again.
This is straight from the Brett Ratner school of dating, a different lady in every port. This time around it’s Kathryn McCormick from the accusatory hit television show “So You Think You Can Dance?” She’s very dance-y throughout, following in the footsteps of previous Step Up girls. Trivia: the first Step Up girl married Channing Tatum, meaning every Step Up girl afterward had to find herself severely disappointed. “So when does Channing get here? What? He’s not even in this movie?”

2. Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows are all over this bitch!
He’s the proud poppa of Kathryn’s character, evidently completely forsaking the continuity of “The O.C.” and Ryan Atwood. We can’t know what Peter was paid for this role, but we can hope it’s “a lot” because the entire movie sets acting back a few years. Dance party!

3. Step Up: Revolution, brought to you by YouTube
One of the main plot points is the group’s pursuit of “the clicks” via YouTube. There’s a $100k contest, where the first people to get 10 million “clicks” on their YouTube channel win. The dance crew in this film, who have named themselves “The Mob”, are in pursuit of those clicks. IN MANY WAYS THIS IS A METAPHOR. No, not really. Just joshin’ you.

4. What do The Fighter and Step Up: Revolution have in common?
They both feature that “How You Like Me Now?” song from The Heavy. Regale your friends at parties with this.

5. Dance as an vehicle for social change? Hells Yuh!
There’s a scene in this puppy, where, I kid you not, the Mayor of Miami finds himself overwhelmed by the dance crew’s machinations, and starts to bob along with the beat. Then, evidently, they overrule the city council and various zoning ordinances to keep Miami dance-er-riffic.

6. There’s a (gasp) gas mask scene!
Controversially, Step Up: Revolution features a scene with tear gas and gas masks! Which means, a year ago when they were filming this movie, they somehow predicted the Aurora shootings. Move over, Nostradamus, there’s a new dance movie in town!

7. The Few, The Proud, The Flash Mob’ers
The dance scenes, which are admittedly the strongest portion of the film, are treated with all the sanctity of a heist movie (a real one, not Tower Heist). There are planning montages, and each member of the crew has a different specialty (VINCE: an expert in POPnLOCK!). Thankfully, as soon as they stop traffic, or invade a museum, no one ever bothers to stop them. Appreciative audiences just gape in awe of the awesome majesty that is dance. It’s like The Natural, but without the scene where the blonde tries to kill someone.

8. There will be relationship drama!
Dance movies follow a specific script, and that script generally calls for a guy and a girl to get angry with each other for no apparent reason. Don’t worry, Step Up: Revolution is more than happy to adhere to the formula, and in this movie the conflict will arise due to one side being really pro-Israel while her counterpart is all super “Let’s just let the diplomatic measures play out before we strongly advocate for a military intervention.” Guess which side wins? I know, right? So typical.

9. The film is a reverse Lebron parable?
In the film, Peter Gallagher (his character’s name is EyeBrows McGee) keeps waxing poetic about how he can’t wait to get back to Cleveland. He’s trying to build a luxury hotel in Miami, but if it doesn’t work out, he’s headed back to Cleveland on the first train. He threatens his dancer daughter with this as well, but she’s pretty much not having it. She likes the … (oh, c’mon) heat.

10. “We were just kids … wildin’ out.
Every dance movie needs a backstory, and Step Up Revolution really, umm, steps up there in a revolutionary way. There are two best friends, they grew up together, and they just DANCED IT OUT all the time. Which leads to the above line of dialogue, where one of the pals discusses why they grew so close. Easily the funniest line of the movie, you’ve now heard about it free of charge. Weirdly, “wildin’ out” has a prominent place in this season of Game of Thrones too, because you don’t know nuthin’ Jon Snow, and if you get that joke you’re officially drunk and happy too. We’re Thrones buddies!

Have a great weekend everybody. Stay cool out there.