FilmDrunk

This Week In Posters: Wes Anderson’s ‘Isle Of Dogs,’ ‘Rough Night,’ And More

This week in This Week In Posters, we begin with this new batch of character posters for Bad Batch, which I think are actually pretty spectacular. I don’t really know what it’s about, but each little detail gets me more and more intrigued. Keanu Reeves is apparently some kind of Hugh Hefner-resembling lounge singer with an index finger ring in it. What does it all mean?

[all posters via IMPA]

Jason Momoa is a “Miami Man” with old school classy Latino gangster pants and a giant butcher knife. I don’t know what the hell those add up to, or whether this is even set in the present day, but each of them sounds pretty cool. You have to respect anyone who can hike their pants above their belly button and still be scary.

I wish we could’ve opened with this one, because I think this is by far the most badass poster this week. One arm, two guns! That’s great stuff. Bad Batch? More like Soul Shooter, am I right? Again, no idea what this is about but I don’t really care.

Because of the weird pattern on The Rock’s shorts, at first glance I thought his fly was unzipped and he was shirtcocking. Also, who the hell is Prianka Chopra playing? Is she the bitchy ice queen who’s going to clean up this Lifeguarding Department? “You’re a liability, Johnson! I like to minimize risk.”

Zac Efron’s body still looks like someone strapped his muscles on too high and they’re on too tight.

Cars 3 has really adopted the “lens flares + shit flying everywhere” formula of the modern day action movie poster. The cars are also rocking the Dreamworks Face a.k.a. CalArts face pretty hard. That said, the debris flying everywhere at least makes sense in this, and they managed to a create the nice diagonal all poster designers love without just tilting the whole thing sideways for no reason. Nice job.

Oh hey, would you look at that, it’s a poster where the whole thing is tilted sideways for no reason. The worst part about this is that a race track already tilts diagonally naturally. Not tilting the entire thing to the side would’ve only made that natural diagonal stronger.

I enjoy these Colossal posters quite a bit. Probably a lot of that is the character design on the monster guy. He’s like a giant Grumpy Cat with a guppy neck.

This one’s even cooler. Aside from the mosaic effect and the Drive font, I really just enjoy Jason Sudeikis’ goofy pose. It’s so dainty! It says he’s here to party but he probably won’t wreck any of your stuff. “Greetings, friend.”

Wowee, remember what I said last week about those posters where some of the characters are superimposed inside another character’s body? Yeah, never really a great idea. This looks like a movie a character in Heaven Is For Real would’ve been watching. Also, one flannel per crew, man, everyone knows that.

This one sort of does the characters-inside-another-character thing, but it also has two guns and a swastika, which means I will definitely watch it.

What is he an exception to? Is he a Nazi who NEVER LEARNED TO READ? Wait, no, they already made that movie. (Haha, remember the dyslexic Nazi love story movie?) It looks they’re emerging from a cloud of sand. Or maybe it’s the FOG OF WAR. Anyway, this poster is kind of dull but it doesn’t take much to get me to see a Nazi movie.

47 meters down? Boy, they’re dressed pretty skimpily for being so far under the water. And if they’re looking for a way to survive the world’s greatest predators, might I suggest calling Blake Lively? She fights the sharks.

Wait, so the girl who invented kissing is a violin player or something? I’m not sure how that works. I’m hoping this is a Footloose-type tale of a town that outlawed smoochin’. And then Hot Lips Hoolihan over here CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Aw, come on, man. There have already been so many cool Guardians 2 posters, did you really have to make another just to half ass it like this? Unnecessary.

I don’t like that this Guardians 2 poster took one of Hollywood’s most charismatic dudes and made him look like a robot. Though I do enjoy how prominently the raccoon guy is featured. That’s a great character.

Here we have another weirdly tilted horizon line poster, and once again it seems like it’d be a much more interesting poster if the horizon was straight. If the horizon line was straight, we could see that Sam Worthington is doing some kind of Michael Jackson extreme body tilt backwards while he shoots, which I imagine would be impressive. Sam Worthington must have strong knees. It’s kind of like when gangsters hold their guns sideways. But more gangster, because it’s his whole body. “Holding your gun sideways, that’s not gangster. You wanna know what’s gangster? Core strength.”

That there’s a Wes Anderson stop-motion movie about dogs is all I really needed to know. I didn’t realize there was a Japanese angle. This poster seems… less precious than I was expecting perhaps? It also feels a little like a Weezer album from the mid 90s.

The red text on wood background is weirdly striking — little bit of a Tom Sawyer vibe — but all of that went out the window when I saw the director’s name and couldn’t stop thinking of the pizza guy who didn’t wash his hands on Seinfeld. “Hey, a-come a-back a-here! Why-a for you-a no wanna watch-a Pappi a-movie? Pappi make-a nice-a movie a-just-a for you! Please, you no watch, they gonna take-a Pappi’s house!’

King Arthur is leaning into the schlock pretty hard, and I respect that. This feels like it’s going to be less Olde English and more Olde English tattoo.

Jude Law has truly found his niche as guy-sneering-while-wearing-ridiculous-headwear. And I mean that sincerely, no one is better at it. Also, I can’t focus on anything but how well this pose matches that one picture of Fassbender from X-Men: First Class.

So I made this:

And here’s the other one, of Charlie Hunnamhunnamhunnam. Once again I can’t help but focus on his outfit and styling. The King Arthur legend was set in the 6th century, and yet his jacket looks like xXx and his hair looks like he’s hosting a cable show about hot rods.

Here’s another poster for Legion of Brothers, which I’m gonna go out on a limb and say is about the military. As General Patton once said, Marines don’t die, they just turn into hawks and fly away.

Wow. Remember what I said about shit flying everywhere indicating high action? Well here we have exhibit A. Also, is Scott Eastwood allowed to make Fast Furious knockoffs now that he’s actually in the Fast Furious franchise? And what’s going on with the cars? Is this a period piece or is he just racing really old cars? This looks an Asylum ripoff of Fast/Furious meets one of those Dodge commercials about the Dodge brothers.

Whoa, remember Camera Obscura from last week? All these movies about killer cameras, I’m getting deja vu over here. And again, if you’re going to reinvent the concept, the cameras better be killer robots and have to fight Danny Trejo.

A River Below? What’s this movie about, your mom at Sturgis? I kid. But honestly, I like the graphic and all, but I have no idea what a guy in a canoe has to do with the post-truth era of alternative facts. Is he making canoes great again? What’s happening here?

Rough Night?” What’s this about, your mom at Sturgiss? Dangit, I hate when I waste a your mom joke too soon. Anyway, it appears that this is a gender swapped Very Bad Things. I am all for gender equality and I respect their right to kill strippers in Vegas. As long as there isn’t another slow motion walking scene set to rap. Holy God stop it with those.

A lot of bad Photoshopping on this one. Unless she’s supposed to have a shadow around her head like that? Like maybe she’s supposed to be being interrogated, but then why is the wall that color? I’m probably overthinking this.

Lol she’s drinking all the wines

Honestly, whose idea was “just Photoshop some sashes?” Also I can’t tell if this is an Australia reference, a vagina reference, or both.

She does seem pretty dope, but no way this chick is friends with the other ones.

Is that what a horny face looks like? I’ve been reading women wrong this entire time. No surprises there.

This one, which must be Dutch or something, has a different title (which is still in English, as is the tagline), and now there’s no corpse in the poster. Which is a little off. Now instead of Very Bad Things, it just looks like Bad Moms except everyone is confused for some reason.

I like to imagine the composer is actually a hot dude who spends all night hookin’ up with babes. It’s the Riverdale of composer movies. Yes, that was based solely on the title.

This is a batch of character posters for Song To Song, which I guess are supposed to look like record jackets. It’d be easier to tell if I could speak the language. Anyway, it looks like Rooney Mara is playing an awkward introvert which will be a big stretch for her.

Hold on, Baby Goose is in this too? And it’s about music? I’m picturing La La Land, only the love story sort of happens in the background while Terrence Malick films sun-kissed wheat stalks gently blowing in the breeze.

Pretty people are always so broody and complex. It’s a real shame.

Here we have a poster for The Zookeeper’s Wife, a.k.a. We Bombed A Zoo, which clearly seems to be following the “loads of shit flying everywhere” to indicate lots of action, in this case sparks. I also like that they superimposed some yelling Nazis in there too. Nothing says action packed like yelling Nazis.

I’m pretty excited for another whacked-out space movie from Luc Besson. That being said, we’ve got a real Jabba the Hutt type up at the top right, a space ship that looks a lot like the Millennium Falcon, and some very Star Wars-looking aliens… I do like the addition of cabaret Rihanna though. It’s still hard for me to wrap my brain around Cara Delavingne. She looks like a high fashion model and a little kid at the same time. Like if Selena Gomez looks like someone tried to make a porn star out of a baby, Cara Delavingne sort of looks like the most beautiful bratty teen.

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