This Week In Movie Posters: Tom Hanks And Marky Mark Are Saving The Day

This Week in Posters begins with The Whole Truth, which in Spanish is apparently called The Lawyer Of Evil, or Evil Lawyer. Spanish titles seem really on the nose, no?

Anyway, this poster is like 90% face, which is a really high face-to-total-poster-space ratio, in my mathematical opinion. Possibly too high? It suggests that this movie’s draw is curiosity over how Keanu Reeves is going to play this lawyer thing. I’m imagining Point Break‘s “I! Am! An FBI! Agent!” scene, as transposed to lawyering. Perhaps with a paunchy Keanu panting at the camera, holding a sheaf of arcane contracts in one hand and a half-eaten Clif bar in the other. (He was too busy billing hours to take a lunch break.) El Abogado Con Demasiado Trabajo, they could call it.

Hmm, I get the sense that this is supposed to be a sexual euphemism. Can anyone figure it out? I think it has something to do with the “wiener” being smooshed between “buns” that are also the breasts and the mouth. It’s right on the tip of my tongue. Anyone?

I feel like Swallows and Amazons is skipping the part where they give us a hint what this is about, and going straight to magical realism. This poster, in the absence of context, just looks like it’s supposed to be about statuesque women sailing off to conquer foreign lands (would watch, incidentally) but they cast poorly. Or maybe that’s actually a full-size frigate? All I’m saying is that when I hear a movie that’s about Amazons, I want the ladies to look big. Is that so much to ask? (*sigh*)

Oh look, they made a poster about your mom.

This is a nice poster for Sully. The big question is how there are going to be other parts to this story than this one image. The trailer seems to suggest that it’s going to be set in some alternate universe where Sully wasn’t a hero from the second he landed. It’ll be interesting to see how that works out, getting people to believe a narrative different from the one they actually lived through. Especially with ol’ One Take Eastwood directing.

I have no idea what this movie is about (is it even a movie? the posters looks like it could be a one-act play), but I’m getting the sense that it’s the kind of arthouse-type picture where critical buzz is everything. So making the poster 80% pull quotes makes a lot of sense (and in Futura no less, the official font of arthouse films!). Also, not only did they match the names and the faces, they even organized the critical praise next to the corresponding actor. Very orderly. This pleases me.

UN JUEGO SIN REGLAS! (A Game Without Rules, aka Nerve). I never noticed how similar Dave Franco and Emma Roberts’ bone structures are before. This is some strong evidence for the all-white-people-look-alike theory.