Three Musketeers has zeppelins carrying floating pirate ships that cannon fight. Hold all my calls.

When they let Paul WS Anderson (aka Sh*tty Paul Anderson, not to be confused with Paul Thomas Anderson) direct a Three Musketeers movie, you knew two things: Milla Jovovich would be in it, and it would have ‘Splosions.  I guess there’s no surprising you, eh, Professor Smart Guy?  Well did you know it would have BUNJEE JUMPING in it? And ZEPPELINS? And did you know that those ZEPPELINS would be carrying FLOATING PIRATES SHIPS that CANNON FIGHT EACH OTHER WHILE DROPPING ANCHORS ON NAMELESS GAY FRENCH MUSTACHE DUDES!? 19th century French literature just pissed its pantsuit! Or whatever they wore back then! To be honest I don’t really read “books.”  But it don’t take no fancy book larnin’ to know that THIS. LOOKS. AWESOME. (*swings through room on chandelier, kicks cat off coffee table*)

Starring Orlando Bloom as Sir Lindsay of Buckingham. Opens October 14th.

Trailer via Moviefone