Tyrion Lannister Primed to Screen Your Calls

10.11.13 5 years ago 9 Comments

StJohnvegas6 - Peter Dinklage

I have whatever blood type is universal, so the blood bank people call me about every thirty minutes, pleading, “Please, there’s no blood left! Everyone is dying around us! Heeeeelpppp, aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!”. Followed by a profound and unsettling silence.

As you can imagine, I never answer the phone when they call, hell when anyone calls, but lately I’ve been wondering, is there a way I can provide them some modicum of entertainment, you know, in lieu of my blood? The answer is now a resounding, “Yeppers”, and all thanks to charity.

The news and link are as follows:

Sound Off For Autism Speaks is an exciting fundraising effort that gives fans the opportunity to order a limited number of custom-recorded messages from their favorite celebrity.

The celebs they’ve lined up for this go-round include:

Adam West

Bryan Cranston


Jack Black

Jim Parsons

Mark Hamill

Michael Dorn

Peter Dinklage

Vin Scully (sold out)

Zachary Quinto

The bad news? The cost. $299. Now, I don’t personally have the cash for such an extravagance, but I figure at least two of our readers have advanced degrees and cash to blow. Here’s what I’d have some of these people say, were I of means:

Adam West: “Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, Baaaaaaatmaaaaaaaan. Leave a message.”

Cher: “If I could turn back time I wouldn’t have you call.”

Jim Parsons: “If you’re Ray-Ray with the pot just come on by. I’ve got the money now.”

Mark Hamill: “Staaaaaaar Waaaaars. Those near and far waaaaaars. You know what to do.”

Michael Dorn: “What is a Michael Dorn?”

Peter Dinklage: “If this is a debt collector you should know … I never pay my debts.”

Zachary Quinto: “I agree largely basing the last Star Trek on my character was misguided. Wait for the beep.”

Anyway, if you’re down with the clown, hop on this one. At least it’s for a good cause, unlike most of the stuff you do to yourself in private.

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