Weekend Movie Guide: C-Tates Is Gonna Make You Jump, Jump

Opening Everywhere: 22 Jump Street, How to Train Your Dragon 2

Opening Somewhere: The Signal, The Rover, Hellion

FilmDrunk Suggests: Vince reviewed 22 Jump Street. Did he like it? I don’t know, read it. And then complain about spoilers, because that seriously kills me when people do that after they read a movie review. I’m going to see 22 Jump Street this weekend with my best pair of overall shorts with one strap hooked, but I’m still mad at C-Tates for not responding to my question yesterday.

22 Jump Street

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 84% critics, 91% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

Jump Street knows you know about the predictability and cheapness of sequels and rip-offs — and in this case, to avoid the downfalls of other summer comedy sagas, embracing that problem might have been the best move for this absurd, unique franchise. – Sean Fitz-Gerald, Denver Post

Though I enjoyed enormously this latest offering in the rebooted Jump franchise, it’s the effortless, unexpected bromance/partnership between the two unlikely undercover cops is what makes this franchise work. – Bill Zwecker, Chicago Sun-Times

Armchair Analysis: I read a few bad reviews of this sequel and it makes me laugh how seriously people take jokes stacked on top of jokes. One day someone will create a movie that is universally loved. That person?

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 92% critics, 91% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

One of the most beautiful animated films ever made. – Rene Rodriguez, Miami Herald

This was not a sequel that anybody needed, outside of the accountants. And there’s another already planned. – Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger

Armchair Analysis: Even in cartoon form, Jay Baruchel strikes me as a guy who just doesn’t want to be doing what he’s doing. “Yeah, I’m training this dragon and all, butttttttt… ehhhhhhhh… okay, let’s go train our dragons more.” Sorry, I can’t really write an impression unless it’s Channing Tatum.

The Signal

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 54% critics, 61% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

There’s bravura manipulativeness to The Signal, the stylish, slyly funny question mark of a movie from director and co-writer William Eubank. – Robert Abele, Los Angeles Times

You wouldn’t be surprised to see Mr. Eubank directing a bigger-budget movie down the road, but this film demonstrates some blanks in his approach that still need to be filled in. – Nicolas Rapold, New York Times

Armchair Analysis: Montana Fishburne’s dad plays a guy in a science suit. Sorry, I don’t even get out of bed for Rotten Tomatoes scores below 70%.

The Rover

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 66% critics, 67% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

Easy to watch at arm’s length and easier to shake off. It’s overbaked art-pulp. – David Edelstein, Vulture

[It has] all of the excitement of being trapped in the desert without a map, watching a cow skull turn to dust. – Rex Reed, New York Observer

Armchair Analysis: Does Robert Pattinson know that he can make a fun movie every once in a while? Like, he doesn’t have to spend every minute of his post-Twilight life trying to prove he’s more than a sparkly vampire.


Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 48% critics, 67% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

If only Candler had trusted her characters enough to carry the story without the need for the requisite Act One gun and Act Three firing of same, Hellion would stand out more amidst an ever-growing pack of similar films. – Alonso Duralde, The Wrap

“Hellion” offers a startling and memorable portrait of adolescent life in downscale East Texas suburbia, along with a white-hot breakthrough performance from teenage actor Josh Wiggins. – Andrew O’Hehir, Salon

Armchair Analysis: I have no clue what this movie is about, but a lot of people seem to dislike it. Let’s get Aaron Paul in a Robert Pattinson comedy ASAP.