FilmDrunk

Vin Diesel Rides A Motorcycle Underwater In The Trailer For ‘xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage’

Back in 2008, I wrote a treatment for Ninetuple X, a sequel to xXx that would return Vin Diesel’s Xander Cage to the franchise. Paramount opted instead for xXx: The Return of Xander Cage, from writers F. Scott Frazier and Chad St. John (great porn name) and Eagle Eye/I Am Number Four director DJ Caruso, who isn’t an actual DJ, though it seems like he should be for this assignment.

Do I have hard feelings? Nah, I put those aside when I saw Vin Diesel wearing robot hands five seconds into the trailer. At 26 seconds, he jumps off an antenna (that’s the A in BASE jumping, FYI) and then skis through the jungle, without the benefit of a parachute OR snow. He’s just that XXXtreme (he does, strangely, still have poles). Have we mentioned that Vin Diesel turned 49 yesterday? Dad bod? More like rad bod, am I right?

Honestly, this movie looks like it has everything. Slowed down dramatic cover (of “Voodoo Chile”)? Yep. Someone landing in a tripod position? Definitely. …Wait, is that Michael Bisping?

And of course, incredible dialogue, such as:

“We need people with the skills and the attitude to take on threats we don’t even know exist.”

And…

“We need someone who can ride into a tornado and walk out the other side like it was a damn gentle breeze.”

You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think they were talking about xXx.

And all that’s before Vin Diesel comes frolicking topless out of the surf like a Bond girl and grinds his skateboard across the side of a bus.

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