You Can Own Vincent Gallo’s Sperm

In “this can’t be real but please let it be real” news, Vincent Gallo has a merchandise website and one of the many wonderful items that the self-proclaimed legend is selling is… his semen. For $1,000,000 you can purchase your own sample of the Buffalo 66 star’s hot nut. You can also buy a brown hat for $750, but I think the real bargain is the chance to have Gallo’s baby.

And the news gets even better! If his salty discharge doesn’t work the first time, he’ll gladly keep popping in a cup for you until you get his hairy baby brewing in your tummy. What a gentleman! Tell us more, our new favorite Vince…

Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself. (Via

That’s right – if you’re hot, you’ll save half a million. If you’re busted, the sex is going to cost you. But no, it’s not prostitution by any means. It’s “natural insemination.” Jesus, why didn’t I think of that?

I was originally going to make fun of the arrogance behind assuming that women would pay $1,000,000 for this guy’s sperm to ride a fixed-gear bike into their wombs. But now I actually admire him for saying, “Why not?” So it is with great pleasure that I announce that we will be selling Vincent Mancini sperm for $6. But he’s going to need the sock back.

(A very special thanks to Charlie Bronze for the tip.)