By my count there were thirteen different film trailers aired during last night’s big game. The nerds over at Pajiba say there were in fact sixteen, but retracted that figure when I pantsed them and stole their girlfriend. The trailer everyone seems to be most excited about is the one for JJ Abrams’ Super 8. It doesn’t tell us too much more about the plot, but I can breathlessly report that there are indeed lens flares. And also flamethrowers? Oh Jeez, what’s that little narc latchkey kid gotten himself into? SlashFilm has a frame-by-frame breakdown if you’re willing to engage in such an exercise.
The trailer for Captain America sees Super 8’s flamethrowers, and raises it a ripped and hairless Chris Evans. Seriously. Just look at him:
Egad. Looks like that trailer raised something else too. *Looks down morosely at penis*
Reasserting my downright raging heterosexuality, I give you the updated trailer for Adam Sandler’s Just Herp With Derp:
I love how the studio has finally given up all pretense of plot. It’s all slow motion boobs and nut shots from here on out, America. I must admit, however, that Nick Swardson saying “schnizel” at the 0:18 mark intrigues me greatly.
And lastly we have the trailer for Limitless which is apparently about Bradley Cooper taking genius pills and jumping a Maserati over a Gulfstream jet:
Ha ha, sorry cancer kids, but Brad’s gotta cliff dive. He’ll get right on that, though.