A ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Movie Makes No Sense But It’s Happening Anyway

06.12.13 5 years ago 4 Comments

Choose Your Own Adventure book parodies: You Are All Going To Die and Beastie Boys' Sabotage

Fox and Davis Entertainment reportedly paid “in the seven-figure range” for the rights to adapt the Choose Your Own Adventure books as a “crossplatform four-quadrant action-adventure franchise”, says THR. You can reread that sentence as many times as you need for it to make sense. It will not.

The Choose Your Own Adventure books were second-person perspective, interactive books, so how are they going to adapt that to a movie where the audience clearly isn’t choosing their own adventure? Are they going to let us text to vote for which scene plays next in the theater? What if we choose wrong? Will it be a ten minute movie? We died constantly while reading those books, which is why we’d never take our fingers out of the previous sections until we successfully lived through the next sections. (Thanks for making me the paranoid mess I am today, Choose Your Own Adventure.)

More likely, Fox will have a little white boy discover a magical book in grandpa’s attic which sets off an adventure ending with the grandpa saying he did the same thing at that age. OMG big reveal. The end. Ugh forever.

They’re going to Jumanji this, aren’t they?

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