The New Trailer And Posters For ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Do Not Inspire Confidence

Senior Contributor
06.24.14 57 Comments
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Ready to meet the snoutless abominations out to replace the beloved characters of our youth? Here they are, in both stills and action!

If the needling seems a little unfair, that’s because Paramount is being incredibly shameless about revealing the posters and trailer. Essentially, you had to go to this website and tweet your favorite Turtle to unlock their poster, and now that all four posters are unlocked, the trailer is here:

As you can see, this is pretty much what you’d expect from a movie produced by Michael Bay: Rocket-powered skateboards, dubstep, Super Shredder having blades on his blades that fire blades at his enemies and return to his armor through some unexplained mechanism, and in the international trailer, a completely appropriate joke about Will Arnett staring at Megan Fox’s butt as she takes photos of stuff using her phone, because the kids, they love their smartphone camera apps. Granted we’re not talking about Shakespeare here, but yeesh.

Meanwhile, here are the four overdesigned new Turtles. That smell is your childhood burning.

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Well, at least they can’t take the SNES game away from us. This will debut August 8th.

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