‘Batkid’ Oscars Debacle: Why Andrew Garfield isn’t a horrible monster after all

Time to take down those Andrew Garfield hate-Tumblrs, America: turns out the “Spider-Man” star isn't a complete monster after all.

First, a little backstory: In case you weren't aware, a little event called the Oscars took place on Sunday, where dozens of empty dreams were realized and lots of celebrities patted each other on the back and told each other how wonderful they all were, to the point where the rest of America was basically like, “Hey, yeah, those Hollywood people really are pretty great, huh,” and also, “I've never done anything of value and will probably die alone.”

Also in case you weren't aware, the Make-A-Wish Foundation did something really cool back in November for a 5-year-old cancer survivor named Miles Scott, who had always fantasized about being a pint-sized superhero named “Batkid.” Enter the Make-A-Wish Foundation, who made that fantasy a reality and in the process put all other Make-A-Wishes to shame, including any involving Nickelodeon singing sensation Selena Gomez. Go Batkid, go!

Fast-forward to the Oscars, where this year's theme was the “Movie Heroes,” because that is the vaguest, most uninspired idea the Academy could come up with short of “Movie Characters.” Which of course got the powers-that-be to thinking: “Hey, let's get that Batkid what's-his-name up here on Oscar night with Andrew Garfield so that people will cry, and also so that we can cut to Sandra Bullock in the audience crying!” Which didn't work out, but hey, good intentions.

So fast-forward to last night, when Page Six publishes an article that's like, “Hey guess what, Andrew Garfield is actually a horrible asshole! He was supposed to do this thing at the Oscars with Batkid who had cancer and isn't that terrible, but then he didn't like the lines they wrote for him because he is an egomaniac!! And then guess what?? Andrew Garfield threw a tantrum like a big spoiled baby and stormed out of the dress rehearsal right in front of Batkid and his entire family because he hates children with cancer and is also a terrible vicious monster!”  (Note: That last part wasn't technically in the article.)

And then all of a sudden the media was all like, “Andrew Garfield Is Such A Jerk!” and “Andrew Garfield Reveals Self to Be Archvillain in Batkid Saga” and “Andrew Garfield throws tantrum, disses Batkid at Oscars rehearsal” and “Andrew Garfield Hates Children, But Especially If They Have Cancer and Especially If They Are Batkid!” because news. (Note: That last headline was, admittedly, 100% made up.)

Except, except, Andrew Garfield is not a shatterer of dreams after all, because according to TMZ and several other sources he actually had nothing at all to do with cutting the segment, and even went to freaking Disneyland with Batkid and also held a faux-Oscars ceremony in the kid's goddamn hotel room. Why yes, there is a photo, now that you're asking.

And in conclusion, Andrew Garfield wins everything.

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