Greeting, fight fans. We’ve got a free event in Texas this weekend in UFC’s ongoing series of an event every dang week. Fight Night 94 starts at 7 p.m. ET with the early Fight Pass prelims, and the rest of the card is on Fox Sports 1, so let’s take a look at the predictions for the six-bout main card.
2016 Important Results:
Jessica: 148-123-4 (55 percent)
Burnsy: 107-106-3 (50 percent)
Ryan: 9-2 (82 percent)
Jason: 60-50-1 (55 percent)
Bill: 38-26 (59 percent)
Jared: 30-24 (56 percent)
Jackman: 7-5 (58 percent)
Enrique: 7-5 (58 percent)
Jamie: 16-13-1 (55 percent)
Justin: 13-4 (76 percent)
Marty: 20-12-1 (62 percent)
Parker: 3-4 (43 percent)
Team Davis: 79-59-3 (57 percent)
Dan: 4-1 (80 percent)
Featherweight – Maximo “Maxi” Blanco vs Chas “The Scrapper” Skelly
Jessica: There’s always a high probability of weird sh*t in a Blanco fight. He might logroll his way into a takedown and quick submission, he shoot a for real Hadouken-style fireball, or he might just punch Skelly in the weenus fifty times in the first five seconds of the fight. Skelly has solid wrestling, but I think he’ll struggle to close in on Blanco, who, despite all the weirdness, has good striking. I’m going to give this one to Blanco by decision, and I’ll say the One Weird Thing that happens here is Maximo punches Skelly square on the buttcheek at least once.
Jason: I really think my prediction percentage would be higher if I didn’t do stuff like this, but I’m picking Maximo Blanco because I’ll never not think Maximo Blanco will win. He’s not 12-7 to me, he’s like, 15.5-3.5 at worst.
Jared: I’d want to go with Blanco here, because he’s always seemed to me like one of those guys that’s just on the precipice of being a truly great fighter. Skelly, on the other hand, is far more consistent in terms of what we can expect. Blanco may very well catch Skelly with some crazy spinning sh*t early, but I don’t see him being able to fend off Skelly’s submissions for 15 minutes after how he looked in his last performance. Skelly.
Bill: This is a pretty tough one to call. My heart says Blanco, but my head says Skelly via second-round submission, and that’s way more specific, so I’ll go with that.
Lightweight – Chris Wade vs Islam Makachev
Jessica: Radical Islam, yeah! Wade’s cool and all (STRONG ISLAND, BABY!), but he just lost to Rustam Khabilov, so I don’t think he’ll do well against Makhachev. There’s no actual basis in that, but I don’t care. Makhachev wins by third round TKO.
Jason: Now THIS is podracing. No, no. THIS is a Fight Night fight! I’ll take Makachev.
Jared: In the battle of Pretty Decent Wrestling vs. Master of Sport in Sambo, I gotta go with Sambo. Makhachev.
Bill: Jared is accurate in that Sambo is the purest and truest and most complete of the disciplines, and probably always wins . Thus, I’m picking Makachev.
Welterweight – Roan “Jucao” Carneiro vs Kenny Robertson
Jessica: Carneiro is gonna grapple the mess outta Robertson. Not quite Jacare/Camozzi or Gall/Punk, but it’s gonna be rough. Roan wins by second round submission.
Jason: Completely agree with Jessica, except I think Carneiro will win by decision. Don’t hold that against me.
Jared: Well, I guess I’m going to be playing the role of contrarian tonight. Carneiro is skilled on the mat, no doubt, but if you think he’s going to walk through Robertson y’all are damn crazy. Robertson is not only a FAR more well-rounded fighter than Carneiro, but he’s a hell of a grappler (dude is the only fighter in the modern era of MMA to pull off a Suloev stretch) and is about as scrappy as they come to boot. When two solid grapplers like this face off, the result is more often than not a sloppy kickboxing match, which I’d take Robertson to win 10 times out of 10.
Bill: I’m throwing in with Jared here, and not just because he believes in Sambo. I think Robertson is going to surprise some people and keep building a sleeper impressive UFC resume.
Lightweight – Evan Dunham vs Rick “The Gladiator” Glenn
Jessica: I don’t normally pull the Wiki Rule, since My Dude Justin Gaethje was without one for so long, but who even is Rick Glenn? Dunham will grind out this guy and get a decision win.
Jason: Rick Glenn is a strong name. A very strong name. A comic book superhero alter ego name. All of that said, Evan Dunham gets the decision.
Jared: I’ll tell you who Rick Glenn is, Jessica. He’s a former WSOF champion who got signed to the UFC while STILL HOLDING DOWN A JOB AT COSTCO, BY GAWD. Which is a good thing, because Dunham gon’ take it to him here.
Bill: Evan Dunham fixing to deliver to Costco Man a family-size case of whoop-ass.
Middleweight – Uriah “Primetime” Hall vs Derek Brunson
Jessica: Hall is at his best when he’s countering his opponent. If he doesn’t have Chael Sonnen yelling “jab, touch him!” to keep Uriah active and forcing responses that he can then build off of, Hall is listless. Brunson is kind sneaky good, or at least, sneaky good to me. I’m going to say Brunson does just enough to beat Hall and takes a decision.
Jason: I feel like I’ve seen this fight before? Have we not? Interesting. I’ll always pick Uriah Hall, he’s just so explosive and athletic. You never know where he’s coming from and he can knock anyone out at any time if he truly wants to. Brunson is solid, as Jessica said, but I’ll take Hall.
Jared: How do you even predict a Uriah Hall fight? Lesser fighters than Brunson have made the guy look like an absolute chump (Natal, Howard), but then again, far better fighters than Brunson have been torched by Hall because dude throws hot fire (looking at you, Moo-sauce-eee). On the other other hand, Brunson’s current TKO streak is really misleading when it comes to how poor his actual striking technique is, and against a tactician like Hall, he may very well get pancaked as he tries to rush in. So you know what, I’m going to pick Hall here (if only because of all the mess Brunson’s been talking to him), but if he loses I swear to God I will never place another vote of confidence in this man again.
Bill: I’m picking Hall, solely because Brunson doesn’t have the good sense to have the nickname “Burner.”
Lightweight – Dustin “The Diamond” Poirier vs Michael “The Menace” Johnson
Jessica: Oh dip dang dong! This fight should be super duper fly. Johnson has some solid skills, but Poirier has been looking awesome as heck since moving up to 155 pounds. I see Poirier landing some very solid shots, getting Johnson a little skittish and then Dustin sinking a fight ending choke when Michael looks for a desperation takedown. Poirier wins by third round submission.
Jason: This would make for such a great third fight or fight before a co-main on a good card… Oh well, I’ll take it! This should be one hell of a throwdown, and Poirier should take it, even though I love me some Johnson. Poirier has just looked too good and too hydrated to lose at 155.
Jared: The big thing that I think both oddsmakers and fight-pickers are overlooking here is foot speed. Poirier has looked nothing short of spectacular since returning to 155, no doubt, but he’s also significantly slower than Johnson when it comes to his boxing. He may hit harder, but I could easily see him being outgunned here en route to a Johnson decision. GAHHH I hate this sport sometimes. Poirier.
Bill: UFC is hoping that Poirier breaks through and becomes another big name for them. An impressive performance in the main here would go a long way toward that effort. I think Poirier is getting the win. The only question is whether he looks like a big deal in the process.
Performance of the Night
Jessica: FACE SHOE, Carneiro
Jared: Hall, Perez
Bill: Poirier, Robertson
Fight of the Night
Jessica: Skelly vs Blanco
Bill: Carneiro vs. Robertson