If you ever saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Premium Rush and wondered, “Hey, what if they remade this movie with a piece of plywood and added more parkour?” then Tracers is for you. Does it star Taylor Lautner as a street-wise bike messenger? You’re damned right it does. Does he literally crash into his love interest, who then introduces him to a whole new world of high-octane thrills? Yessirree. Does he have to infiltrate a gang of hard-nose parkour practitioners? You bet your abs he does. It’s like Point Break for milk babies, fortified with vitamin P (PARKOUR!).
Do yourself a favor and click to the 47-second mark.
TAYLOR LAUTNER: “Where’d you learn how to do parkour?”
I’m calling it now: Every single movie in the world would be improved by adding the line “Where’d you learn how to do parkour?”
GANG OF TOUGHS LEADER WEARING A V-NECK: “You know, this is dangerous stuff. You get hurt if you don’t know what you’re doing.”
THANKS FOR THE ADVICE, GRAMPA, BUT IF SHREDDING THE GNAR WERE EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT. /skanks off to shred the gnar
After that, Taylor Lautner’s girlfriend shreds the gnar all over a ship, and they start robbing banks. In conclusion, Tracers is the odds-on favorite for best movie of 2015.
STOMP THAT YARD! SHRED THAT GNAR! STEP UP 2 THOSE STREETS!
Tracers, from the director of Paintball (seriously), opens February 25th. Rated WUB WUB WUB for llamas.
[hat tip: Indiewire]