Good News, Everyone! Justin Bieber Has Announced His Retirement Just In Time For Christmas

Justin Bieber has announced his retirement during an interview with Power 106 in Los Angeles and judging from the picture above, he’s leaving to travel into space with his team of oil drillers in an attempt to save humanity from a rogue comet. From The Daily News:

The 19-year-old superstar went on Power 106, a Los Angeles hip hop station, and said his next album, “Journals,” will be his last.

The album is set to drop Dec. 23 on iTunes.

“After the new album, uh, I’m actually, uh, I’m retiring man, I’m retiring,” he told the stunned host, who said, “No!” as Bieber dropped the news Tuesday on “Big Boy’s Neighborhood” show.

Of course this could be bullsh*t because Bieber is currently one of the biggest stars on the planet. The idea of him retiring at nineteen probably sends a chill down the spine of the record executives/leeches hoping to see him make a jump to TV and film.

It’s a dream come true for someone like me though. Not only do I get to report on the possible speculation behind why a chodling like Bieber would want to retire, but I also get to revel in the schadenfreude when fans, like the girl in the Vine below, lose their minds because Bieber could be leaving.

My official verdict on the matter? He’s trying to promote his album in a way that could possible outdo Beyonce, which is impossible. It smells as fake today as it did back in 2012. My dream verdict? He’s the only one with a body small enough to climb into the comet’s crater and detonate the series of explosives in time to save the planet.

(Lead image via gettyimages)