“Santa Baby” is not the most feminist holiday song. In most iterations, the female singer whines about the furs, yachts, and Tiffany jewelry she demands that Santa bring her, while not-so-vaguely alluding to the fact that she’s willing to hook up with Santa to get what she wants. Which, I mean, is all good and fine, if that’s what’s on your list — but many women in 2018 are hoping for something other than the deed to a platinum mine.
Miley Cyrus visited The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon last night to perform the holiday classic — with a 2018 spin. In the skit leading up to the performance, Cyrus tells Fallon that she’s changing a few lyrics to reflect her own Christmas list, and Fallon agrees to let her go with the changes. But it turns out Cyrus doesn’t want material goods at all (she sings, “I can buy my own damn stuff!”). She just wants Santa to shut up and listen to her, and to treat her like a capable equal.
“Santa baby, I’d love to know my ass won’t get grabbed / At work / By some ignorant jerk,” Cyrus sings. Other demands? Equal pay, to not receive unwanted nude photos, and, you know, basic human respect.
Fallon and Cyrus’ collaborator Mark Ronson also appear in the skit. Thankfully, they don’t interrupt Cyrus’ song or try to explain to her what she actually wants.
Watch Miley Cyrus’ updated version of “Santa Baby” above.