Selena Gomez is letting everyone in. She said on her Instagram Story this morning (November 3) that the newly released single “My Mind & Me,” shared hand-in-hand with her Apple TV+ documentary by the same name, was “inspired by my journals over the last few years.” Her Rolling Stone cover story also feels diaristic.
At one point, the profile written by Alex Morris picks up in 2016 after Gomez canceled the remainder of her Revival Tour due to anxiety and depression stemming described at the time as “side effects of lupus.” Director Alek Keshishian temporarily paused filming what would eventually become My Mind & Me.
“I’m going to be very open with everybody about this: I’ve been to four treatment centers,” Gomez told Morris. “I think when I started hitting my early twenties is when it started to get really dark, when I started to feel like I was not in control of what I was feeling, whether that was really great or really bad.”
Gomez laid out what her manic highs and depressive lows looked like, such as buying loved ones gifts and staying in bed for weeks at a time to the point where “walking downstairs would get me out of breath.” (It’s disclosed that Gomez “spent a few years contemplating” suicide but never attempted suicide.)
Gomez explained that she was overwhelmed by mounting stress from various angles, including not being married by 25 like she’d always imagined or trying to outgrow her Disney roots. She felt isolated because there weren’t many people in her circle who could relate to fame’s dangerous byproducts.
“I never fit in with a cool group of girls that were celebrities,” Gomez said. “My only friend in the industry really is Taylor [Swift], so I remember feeling like I didn’t belong. I felt the presence of everyone around me living full lives. I had this position, and I was really happy, but … was I? Do these materialistic things make me happy?”
Gomez and Swift became fast friends in 2008 while dating Nick and Joe Jonas, respectively. Gomez has made surprise appearances at Swift’s tours over the years — most recently 2018’s Reputation Tour — and have publicly supported each other. Gomez starred in Swift’s 2015 “Bad Blood” video, and in 2019, she posted a statement in support of Swift and against the sale of Swift’s Big Machine Music Group masters to Scooter Braun. More recently, Gomez FaceTimed Swift during a Selena + Chef episode and rang in her 30th birthday with her.
My Mind & Me is the antithesis of a surface-level friendship timeline, living in the private pockets previously only witnessed by those closest to Gomez. The documentary premieres on Apple TV+ tomorrow (November 4). Watch the trailer below.