Chuck Hagel Called Tim Howard To Congratulate Him On Taking His Job

Tim Howard has been the King of the Internet for the last 24 hours or so, ever since he set a World Cup record with 16 saves against Belgium, the most since FIFA started caring enough to keep track in 2002. Sure, it would have been awesome if he’d had 18 saves in yesterday’s game, as I’ve actually seen pissed off people on Twitter and Facebook complaining that he didn’t do enough, but I like to think that most people watching were simply in awe of how amazing he was in keeping the final score 2-1. And most people did agree, because his effort inspired the “Tim Howard Saves” meme-apalooza, and FIFA even drug-tested him after yesterday’s match to make sure he hadn’t injected Superman’s plasma right into his testicles.

One of the more entertaining jokes played on Howard’s behalf was when the Secretary of Defense Wikipedia page was edited to say that he held that job, and Chuck Hagel took notice and called Howard today just to make sure he didn’t have any funny ideas or political ambitions.

“Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel called U.S. Men’s National Team goalkeeper Tim Howard to thank him for defending the United States of America at the World Cup. Secretary Hagel congratulated Howard on his record-breaking game and a great run in Brazil. He invited Howard and the entire team to come to the Pentagon later this year. He told Howard that with some training, he could someday become the real secretary of defense.” (Via the Washington Post)

It’s really fun to imagine Hagel talking to Howard like he’s a 4-year old with that last part, and then Howard pulls a Reed Richards and extends his arm across two continents to slap that ball out of Hagel’s hand. And as funny as this Wikipedia edit is, I still think that the President should have to report to Howard.