Cleveland Puts Ted Williams’ Head Into Cryogenic Freeze

The Cleveland Cavaliers offered Ted Williams (the other one) an announcing gig when he shot to fame with a viral YouTube video, and now that a little bit of time has passed and everyone has forgotten it, they can take it back. The story of Williams’ God-given gift of voice broke earlier this year, and in Internet time it might as well have happened in the 1700s alongside the birth of our nation, the invention of the cotton gin, and What What In The Butt.

It turns out the Cavs made an offer to a homeless stranger without realizing he was, uh, homeless. From the News-Herald:

The bum turned star isn’t working for the Cleveland Cavaliers. They famously offered him a deal after his YouTube video went viral, without realizing the long resume of drug abuse and criminal activity he’s provided society over the years as a derelict.

I guess somebody being homeless is only okay if you don’t know why they’re homeless. To the Cavs’ credit, Williams did sort of shoot himself in the foot by doing a bunch of drugs, getting detained by police for shouting at his daughter in a hotel, and getting talked down to by Dr. Phil in minute maybe two-and-a-half of his fame. He lost his macaroni commercial, he lost a few teeth, and now this.

In a related story, the Cavs also took back the organ player offer they made to Keyboard Cat after finding out he’s a real cat and can’t actually play the keyboard.