Morning Links Survival Guide


The 2011-2012 Indianapolis Colts Survival Guide In Three Steps – Step 4: Completely stop playing until Peyton Manning comes back. Step 5: Black uniforms. [Smoking Section]

GSP Sucks At Track – This is like a Powerade commercial done in reverse, and reminds me a little of that episode of “Full House” where the guys have a footrace and Danny takes Joey into the octagon and beats the dogsh*t out of him. [Cage Potato]

Wild Card, Kitten Mittens, Green Man, Milk Steak, And F*ck Yeah Tumblrs: An Interview With Charlie Day – Whoever got us a Charlie Day interview, please, get me an interview with the guy who plays Cricket so I can ask him at least 50 questions about being The Hutch on “The Joe Schmo Show”. [UPROXX]

Texts From Pawnee, Where ‘Parks And Recreation’ Hilariously Meets Texts From Last Night – This show cannot return soon enough, although we’re entering the “when The Office started getting bad” season, so I’m remaining cautious. [UPROXX]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 9/13 – Wrestling happened, and I’m going on vacation starting tomorrow afternoon, so read this ASAP. [With Leather]

Dwarf Who Played Gordon Ramsay in Porn Eaten By Badgers – Maybe the best headline of all time. Now if only someone could fill a failing restaurant with beavers and have them kill Robert Irvine. [Film Drunk]

Baby Cthulhu Is Adorable, Evil Incarnate – Man, Cthulhu is in everything now. When I was little, the only way I could get Cthulhu is by reading weird older people comic books. [Gamma Squad]

Here Is a Horse Pooping on Children’s TV – This wouldn’t be a big deal if the young people of today’s world weren’t all Rod and Todd Flanders. [Warming Glow]

Playboy October 2011 Issue Will Sell For 60 Cents! – If they want to be like Playboy from the 60s, maybe they can turn down the airbrushing a little. I can draw boobs on a napkin and have them look more realistic than what usually shows up in Playboy. [Buzzfeed]

Danny Glover one-ups the people who wear Crocs in public – He’s getting too old for this shirt. [FARK]

17 Things You Might Not Have Known About ‘The Lion King’ – I hate the Lion King so much. It was the first time in my life when I noticed something was a hacky rip-off, but nobody cared and told me things like “you think too much”! They should re-release The Lion King in 1D. [Moviefone]

Predicting How Many Episodes the Network TV’s New Fall Shows Will Last – USA shows passing off glancing white people as characters, 4-10 seasons. Everything else is already canceled. Stay tuned for season 14 of “In Plain Sight!” [Pajiba]